My Tomboy Girl Won’t Let Go Her Ex

Dear Agatha,

I am 20 years of age and in love with a girl of 17. I love her so much and I know she is equally in love with me.

However, she so much of a tomboy! Although, it doesn’t matter to me so much but her current close association with her former boyfriend is giving me great concern. They are always seen together discussing and whenever I ask she says there is nothing to the relationship.

Although she tells me everything about their relationship, fact remains that I am not comfortable at all with her continued closeness to the boy.
What do I do?

Jboy.

---

Dear Jboy,

That they are no longer dating doesn’t make them enemies. The essence of a relationship is to build bridges of friendship, not to fight when things don’t work out the way we intend.

That they are still in constant communication shows that whatever reason they had for terminating their relationship is fundamental enough to destroy whatever chance they have to remain good friends.

At least, she has not hidden that fact from you and has tried from your letter to keep you informed about their every move. If they had anything to hide, she won’t be so obvious in her association with him. When a woman has something to hide, she doesn’t advertise like you said she did. Trust is what you both require to ensure this relationship doesn’t suffer a set back.

She may be 17 but from the way she has comported herself, this girl sure has certain maturity far above her age, which makes it important for you to take time to study her and resist the urge to suspect her of something she isn’t doing. Besides, tomboys are usually the difficult to deal with due to the way they see things.

And if you indeed have any reason to be uncomfortable, call her in for a dialogue. Gently explain the discomfort you feel and why you think she should, for your sake, minimise her meetings with him. Explain your discomfort as well as the issues involved in her being seen with him constantly.

If you don’t fight her but explain to her why she must for your sake, reconsider her attitude.

Good luck.