Dear Agatha,
I am one of your regular readers and I need your help. In the last two years, I have been dating this boy in his second year running Higher National Diploma (HND) programme. We are both in love.
However, I can’t stop being anxious over the relationship because of the way my previous relationship broke up. I am fearful of having another experience like that.
Although we have talked about the possibility of us getting married if it is the will of God but other men are coming for my hand. Once I demand to know his explicit plans for me but he simply told me he loves me but that, if others are coming my way I shouldn’t stop them but not to give any man my body in a hurry.
Please help me what should I do to make him confess his plans for me? Presently, there is no problem between us, but I am confused. Much as I don’t want to rush him into anything, I don’t know anybody in his family because they all live in Ibadan, not in Kaduna. Please help me.
Angel.
Dear Angel,
You are simply being paranoid. If you continue this way, you risk losing this man not to another woman but to your own fears.
What else do you want him to tell you? Tell you that he would marry you today when he has given the wisest and most realistic assurances in the world? What if he tells you he would and God says no to his desire to marry you? What will you do? Fight or pressurise God into accepting your ways over His wisdom and good thoughts for you?
If you were wise, you would turn your attention to God and not this man who has made it obvious that God is his ultimate source of strength. All he knows is what he feels for you now and that what he has offered you, his love as it currently stands.
You have a choice to either accept his honest response to your question or give him freedom to concentrate on his studies. Sincerely, he doesn’t need your type of pressures now. As his woman, you should ensure he has the right atmosphere to succeed.
Putting these pressures on him might affect his level of concentration on his study.
It is wrong for you to transfer the anxieties of your previous relationships to your current relationship with this man. He isn’t the one that hurt you, so it’s very unfair of you to make him suffer for an offence or incident he knows nothing about.
Whatever may have been the challenge of your previous experiences; you must learn how to trust again, love without fear and conditions. To do that is to elongate your disappointments because it would get to a point where this man would no longer feel the need to defend his love for you.
Once you push him to that limit with your constant naggings, nothing you say would make the right impression on him again. So beware you don’t, through your own insecurities, cause more pains for yourself.
He sounds like an honest reasonable young man. Don’t allow your fears make you lose him because this is one loss you may find impossible to replace.
Like Him, commit the relationship to God because He is the only one who has our lives right in the palms of His hands. With Him in charge, you have nothing to fear again about your life. Trust me, He is very sufficient.
Good luck
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