I Hate My Brother For Visiting Altar Without Me!

Dear Agatha,

My brother recently got married without informing us about the marriage, besides my father.

Since after the wedding he has been beeping me but I refuse to respond. Now what do I do if he eventually decides to call me.

Orzo.

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Dear Orzo,

Take his call and tell him exactly how you feel about his decision to exclude you from his wedding arrangements. Even if he has his reasons for not going public with such information, still let him know that you consider it improper and something of an embarrassment to be left out of his wedding plans.

Having said that, give him the opportunity to explain his reasons. You may not agree with his explanation but for the sake of family peace don’t doubt his logic. There are indeed some situations that demand absolute secrecy in some matters. He could have been warned in the church to keep things really low not because of you but other family interests and politics that might come to play or derail his plans.

He may have informed your father out of a necessity so it doesn’t look as if he completely ignored all his family members.

The onus is now on you through your actions to make this relationship work between you two. That he did what he did shows that within the family a lot of things are wrong and since your father is still very much alive, you should impress it on him to bring about genuine reconciliation between all his children such that when issues like this come up, the whole family would find it possible to queue effortlessly behind their own happily.

Your father should have been able to bring about this reconciliation before now particularly as some of his children were not informed about the wedding of one of his children. Irrespective of whatever reasons your brother may have given, your father should have called all of you the moment he knew the information was out and no longer a secret to mediate on the issue.

Waiting to mop up things after the wedding if not carefully handled may still leave some of you feeling alienated from this wedding.

To show you don’t have anything against him or his wife, go the extra mile by visiting them with your present.

While there, let him know that whatever may have informed his decision not to inform some arms of the family doesn’t concern you as much as ensuring the family remains one.

Whatever you say there must be final such that it buries all your misgiving as well as your anger. Forgiveness when complete and wholesome gives way to perfect peace and future happiness.

If you understand that decision not to invite you didn’t come from nothing, must have come from years of mutual suspicions, disloyalty, damaging family politics, fetish practices, you would understand the essence of making such that past history within the family is resolved to protect all of you from this type of embarrassment again.

Family disagreements are common but must be managed in such a way as not to expose the weakness of the family to external gossips or interventions like this one between you and your brother.

Pray for the wisdom of God to manage this.

Good luck.