Is she playing with my emotions?

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, I am a man of 28 years of age dating a 23 year old lady. We started dating about four months ago and I love this girl very much because she has all the qualities I want in a woman. But, my problem is, I don’t know her at all. There was a time I called her on phone and heard a guy’s voice. When I asked for the identity of the man, she told me he was her brother who came for a visit. I asked that the phone be given to him so I can speak with him. I asked him about his studies as well as his department. I discovered he is also in the same department as my girlfriend. During the course of our conversation, he said my girlfriend had told him so much about me. I was confused because all along, my girlfriend gave me the impression that her brother was working. Agatha, do you think this girl loves me? Could that boy be her school boyfriend? Could she be using me? I am confused. Please help me. Confused Boyfriend. Dear Confused Boyfriend, Both of you are just starting out hence need time to know each other. Commitment isn’t something that happens in a day, it takes a length of time and devotion to make it come out in the right texture. Nothing would work between the two of you if you begin to question or suspect every move she makes or her motive. Both of you are coming from different backgrounds as well as lives. Before you, she had a life just as you had one too. She may not have totally disengaged from a relationship she was in before you came along. The average girl these days likes to slowly, dip one foot into the river before making up her mind on whether to put in the second foot. It is a kind of security because just as men are afraid of being disappointed, women too are scared of having their hearts broken by men. It is a matter of trust for a couple to make a relationship work well. What you should do is to pretend you haven’t noticed anything. It takes a lot of sacrifices to achieve a good relationship. In every relationship, one person must be gentle and deeper in wisdom than the other person. As one aspiring to be the head of a home, you have to learn to cope with the nature of a woman. You have only just met four months ago. It would take more than this time for you to know who she is. There is a huge difference between who and what we all are. Unless she has only one brother, this one could be another brother in school. Besides, he could be a close cousin. You will look stupid if after reacting negatively, the man turns out to be who she says he is. This is why you have to make the sacrifice of lack of complaint. Learn it as a virtue if you want to live with a woman successfully. Like a house, a relationship must have a very solid foundation to be able to carry the weight of the building that would stand on it. If the architect and structural engineer don’t work hand in hand to ensure that the right materials are used in the right places, such a building may collapse eventually or develop severe problems later in life. The same thing goes for a relationship. You and your girlfriend must come to the drawing board with dummy visuals of the kind of relationship you want to have. Both of you must agree to something that would work for both of you. To do it right and get the kind of commitment needed to drive it to complete fulfillment, you have to go the extra mile. Don’t also forget at 23, she may not be as ready as you are. At her age, a lot of men would definitely be around her, seeking her attention. This is the time a man, waits with the patience of the dove. To get it right with her and earn her trust, be a good friend; don’t frighten her too much with too many questions for now. Like a child feeling its way through slippery terrains, be cautious until you have the confidence of her character to insist on certain things. She may really be in love with you for now but if she discovers you are too suspicious, she may out of fear retreat. It can really hurt when one isn’t guilty of an offence he or she is being accused of. I am sure you also have one or two female friends or relations in your life that will never leave your life. This boy could just be that kind of friend whose real identity she is afraid to divulge to you for fear of what you would say. If she isn’t used to sharing her thoughts or life with anyone, it would take a while for her to begin to. A lot would depend on the kind of friendship you are offering her. Don’t forget that we are only ambassadors of the different environments we grew up in. just like you are a product of your background, she is also a reflection of all the different people and friends she has come into contact with. It is too early to think she is out to deceive you. Get to know her better to avoid you coming to the wrong conclusions. A little dose of patience will answer all your questions clearly. Good luck.