I get scared to approach a woman

Dear Agatha, 

I need your help on how to approach and start a conversation with a lady. I am usually tongue-tied when I come across a lady I like. Whenever I even summon the courage to approach one, I find it very difficult to initiate any form of chat which makes the whole essence of even approaching her useless.

I need your help; at least educate me on what to say to a woman I find interesting. Are there books that can help me? 

Stanley.

Dear Stanley,

Although you didn’t tell me your age, you will eventually out grow this shyness. A lot of men who are today experts at sweet-talking a woman also had similar challenge.

One thing you must first accept is the fact that the worst any woman can do to you is to reject your offer for friendship. Women don’t bite; though experts at scorning or laughing at the offers of a man, it is a woman’s worst reaction, nothing more, nothing less. To be intimidated by a woman’s attitude is to heap a burden of self-consciousness on yourself; one you may find very difficult as a man to out grow.

The second mistake, and perhaps the more important is never to tell a woman you are meeting for the first time, you are in love with her. It makes the whole essence of your discussion and intent very cheap and lacking of depth.

A man usually gets tongue-tied when trying so much to make an impression. It is easier to begin a conversation by commenting on safe things like the weather which can either be very good on the day you meet or bad. A simple good day; ‘how are you on this wonderful sunny day or on this wet day’, can begin the journey of a lifetime.

Refuse to comment on her beauty but look for something special, like her eyes, smile, voice or courtesy to comment on. women like knowing that a man notices such special features about her, rather than the general thing every man sees or comments on.

Don’t attempt to take the relationship further after such compliments. Rather, devote time into being a good friend, one who cares about her thoughts, dreams, plans for the future. Get to know about her disappointments, weakness, strength and friends.

By showing her that you are not concerned about her body but her development as a human being, you make it easier for both of you to function as friends at all times; this way you both are able to develop a tradition of trust, loyalty and absolute friendship.

Also, you would be giving yourselves time to get to know each other, develop a pattern of functional friendship that can withstand the test of time. Every relationship that begins from friendship has a way of surviving difficult and confusing times.

Your approach of friendship rather than relationship during the nascent days of your meeting gives her the confidence to be truthful with you. Only few people are able to pretend or conceal their nature from their friends.

The third is not to try to impress any woman because at the end of the day, the man when found out would become a subject of her scorn or mockery. Therefore, learn to be natural. Give her the chance to see you for who you are. Don’t lie or pretend to be what you are not. And even when you are who you claim you are, modesty is important in life.

Beyond all these is the fact that as a man you should be prepared to be turned down by women. Therefore it will help your cause by developing a very strong skin when it comes to matters affecting women and love.

A woman that says no in the morning can turn around to say yes later in the day. No woman wants to end up with a man who lacks the drive to pursue her. It is the only time a woman gets to feel like the real queen in a man’s life. Therefore not every woman is about to give up her right to feel cherished on those heady moments of  a man falling in love with them.

Remember no matter how unapproachable a woman appears to be, good conduct and maturity of the man can change her mind at the end of the day.

There are lots of books on the book shelves but a man’s best teacher remains experience. Even if a woman is nasty to you on a first date, refuse to allow her get under your skin. Keep striving to make it work for you. A woman who turns you down is only teaching you to become better the next time. She is also helping you to eliminate ideas that are worthless in your search for the perfect woman.

Always remember the best things are the ones that take our extra efforts to achieve in life.

Good luck.