I want her to accept another man’s proposal

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, Thanks for your immeasurable advice and solutions to people with relationship problems, I pray God will also help you in solving your own problems. I have a problem that needs your attention. I have a girlfriend, we have been together for four years now and thanks to God, have been able to abstain from sex all these years. I just graduated while she is in her final year, even though she is a year older than my 23 years of age, we love each other very much that people around us think I am very much older than she is because she accords me my due respect as a man. But the problem now is, she does not want to accept the many suitors coming her way, because of me. I love her and would want to marry her but the reality on ground may not favour this. What if after national service I am unable to procure a job to provide the right financial platform for me to execute my plans to marry her? Would she be able to wait for me to be ready? The issue is, do I advice her to marry one of her suitors? I will appreciate your advice. Thanks and wishing you compliment of the season. Worried Lover. Dear Worried Lover, If you both have been together for four years, this is an issue you can both discuss as frankly as possible. You have to make her understand your fears for her future; putting special emphasis on her age and the biological lifespan of a woman’s life. While at it, be honest enough to also tell her what your own fears are as well as the details of what your real plans for the future are. For instance, let her have the idea of when you really desire to marry as a man. This is because as a man you have things you must put in place before thinking of settling down. And unless you come from a very rich family and pressure is on you to marry urgently. At 23, you are still very far from being ready to marry as a man. Whereas, at 24, she is almost ready for marriage. One thing is to be in love another thing is to be realistic about certain things in life. once she graduates and serves, pressure would be on her to marry. It is when she gets to that junction, that she or you would know if she has what it takes to wait for you or go with another man who is ready. This is because, the journey of marriage goes beyond what both of you perceive it to be. It is a long journey of ups and downs, of choices, sometimes very critical and tough ones; it is also about doing the right thing at the right time. Even though marriages begin with the seed of sentiments, it becomes a journey of reality as the days go by. At 24, how long can she afford to wait for you? What kind of sacrifice is she ready to make for the relationship? This is one choice she has to make on her own without any help from you because it is more about her happiness than yours. By laying the cards face-up before her, you give her the rare chance of choosing the path she is most comfortable with. Beyond this, you must also ask yourself this question; how do you really feel about the age difference between the two of you? It may never have bothered you as boyfriend but now that you are at the juncture of making the relationship permanent, how do you really feel about marrying a woman older than you? You may not have on the surface considered it important but deep in your heart, it maybe. This is because no man, no matter how bleak the future appears to be would willingly encourage the woman he claims to be in love with to consider the proposal of another man. In all these, both of you have to be truthful about your desires as well as your plans for the future. If at the end of the day, she feels she cannot wait for your plans to mature, lacks the necessary patience to appreciate the situation you both found yourselves in, let her go. But if after having this talk with her, she agrees to wait for you to be ready, allow her be. Once she makes up her mind to wait for you, don’t try to persuade her against it in order not to hurt her and insult the love she has for you. There is no risk a woman in love cannot take, as long as the man in her life is very honest with her. Discussing it is to ensure both of you don’t feel the pains of regrets later in life. Good luck.