Am I too old for her?

Dear Agatha, I must commend you for the wonderful salvation you are giving to the relationships of countless people. I wrote you two years ago about a teenager I was in love with and wanted to marry. She was 17 then and I was in my mid 20s. You advised me to wait patiently until she is mature. Now I think she’s mature but it seems she is not ready for me. I’ve offered to train her in school myself and support her in every possible way. But she’s a little bit reluctant. She asked me to wait for additional four years. I can do that for her but my fear is, she might change her mind about me and go for another man. It’s possible she might give a reason that I have become too old for her. How do I make her change her mind. I love her and wish to spend the rest of my life with her. Chinenye. Dear Chinenye, You can force a horse to the river but cannot force it to drink water. Marriage is lot more serious than you are thinking. It is a journey of a lifetime. For it to be enjoyable and not something you endure, it must be contracted with the right kind of person. Yes, you do love this young lady but is she in love with you? Does she share in your desire to spend your lives together? Does she have the passion to get married now? Don’t forget that, like you, she reserves the right to fall in love with the kind of person she wants. If she is refusing you to pay for her schooling, then she knows what she wants from life. She clearly doesn’t want anything that would force her into making a decision she might regret later in life. The truth about life is that not everyone we fall in love with would end up permanently in our lives. She wants the freedom to make her decision when the time comes for her to think of settling down. If for nothing else, give her credit and respect. If she is asking for four years, it is simply because she wants to be more definite about many things in life. Don’t force her into a situation both of you will never enjoy at the end of the day. It is always best not to venture into a marriage than go into one that would leave a very bitter taste in one’s mouth. This young lady may not have the kind of answer you want from her now but, she has the depth of character to stick to whatever promise she makes. To understand her kind of person better, why not talk to her first as person rather than the woman you want to marry? Get to know her kind of person, her dreams, her plans for herself as well as the time she needs to get to that point of being ready to share her space and life with a man. While at it, ask her who her ideal man is? There is no way you can measure your relevance or a future between the two of you without first knowing if you come close to the kind of man she wants in her life. Hearing from her would help you answer all the important questions of whether or not she will want you around her in the four years she has given you. Most times, we don’t get our answers from what a person is saying but from the signals the body is transmitting. If you are observant and deep, you will know from what she isn’t saying what her real answers are. But beyond your desire to marry her, it is important you first become a good friend to her. By doing this, you are giving her as well as yourself the chance to know each other, put your feelings for her to test as well as taking your dreams a step further. It will also give her a chance of appreciating the age differences. There is the likelihood that the almost a decade differences in your ages is what is frightening her. By being friends with her, you make it easy for her to correctly assess your person, attitude as well as outlook to life generally. You must appreciate that at her age of 19, being in your mid 20s can really sound ancient. This is because she is just emerging into a young adult; that she is at that time of her life when like a young butterfly, freedom means so much. Not every woman wants to exchange the nest of her family for that of her husband very soon. She wants to experience, like most young women of her age, the thrills of being young. Certainly, you cannot take that away from her. If she perceives you to be understanding of this stage of her life, as well as understand your willingness to let her grow at her own pace, she might really come to see you differently; a friend, she can depend on anytime. Let the decision to marry you come also from her heart. It is the only way it can last. if you can wait, do so but if not, it only means that both of you aren’t meant to be. Good luck.