Friends say I’m worse off being a virgin till wedding night

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Thanks for the positive changes you are making in the lives of people. I am a 21 years old girl and still a virgin, although determined to be a virgin until my wedding night, but I cannot cope any longer with the pressures from every man that indicates interest in having a relationship with me. They all want sex from me. Once I decline, they move on. Consequently, I am very lonely and rejected. The last relationship I had broke up as the guy started asking money from me all because I made my stand on premarital sex known to him. Secondly, my friends are frightening me with tales they tell whenever I tell them about my decision to remain a virgin until my wedding night. They say all sorts of things like: a woman has to date several men to know the right man for her. They also claim that such a woman may develop cancer of pelvis and unable to enjoy sex. They are also of the views that if I don’t engage in sex now, I will be unable to satisfy my husband in bed since I won’t know the kinds of sexual positions to adopt that will give him good pleasures. All they are saying are beginning to sound like the truth, because I really don’t have any kind of experience when it comes to sex. Please Agatha help me I’m confused. Confused Lady. Dear Confused Lady, First there is no iota of truth in all your friends are saying. Sex isn’t what points a discerning minded woman to the inherent qualities of a man. Rather, a lot depends on her focus in life. A woman without her own dream, her own plans can never be able to identify the kind of man that will help her nurture to maturity her own dreams. Therefore, you have to begin your search for your Mr. Right from your own standpoint of the kind of life you want for yourself. As a young woman, where do you want to be in the next decade? What kinds of things do you want for your children as well as marriage? What kind of man do you want? Out there are different kinds of men; some are strong willed, determined to pocket their wives, giving no room for the wife to be anything else but to their own needs and wants. These are the ones that want to be in charge completely; don’t want their women to compete with them at home. They like the old order of the man being in charge absolutely. They provide everything for the family. There are some who aren’t intimidated by the successes of their women, are comfortable allowing their women pursue their own careers or dreams. They actually go out to help their women attain good results in whatever they want to do. Yet, out there are some men who are violent, selfish, irresponsible and lacking in respect for their women. To these men the world begins and ends with them. There are some who are very caring, protective and understanding. Some are natural playboys while there are those who are strict about family values. Unless you are absolutely clear about what you want, you won’t know what to look out for in any of the men that come to ask for your hand in a relationship. Besides, sex is one way to obstruct the vision of a woman determined to make the right choice of a life partner. Sex has a way of robbing a woman of her sense of objectivity. In a way, premarital sex affects women more negatively than men. This is because women are very sentimental; once a man is able to touch the right buttons, a woman’s natural ability to thoroughly think out her options becomes blurred by the memories of their moments together. This is where a lot of women get it wrong, ending up with the wrong men and the beginning of insurmountable challenges in their homes and lives. This is why you should not be ashamed of the path you have chosen. You have the rare chance of making the right choice, looking deeper than a man’s looks, sexual ability to who the man really is. No matter how inexperienced you are, when the time comes for you to become a guru in sexual matters, you will gain the knowledge from your husband. The act of lovemaking is natural; something God has infused into our minds right from the moment we were born. It is like asking how a newborn baby acquires the knowledge of where to look for breast milk. It is primeval; nobody teaches these things. Once you have a natural sense of adventure, isn’t afraid to exploit and exercise your femininity with your husband, you and your husband will have a very fulfilling time together as couple. Besides, if a woman doesn’t measure up in the bedroom, it means that her man is a bad lover. No matter how frigid a woman is, if she finds a man who is considerate, thorough, exciting and knowledgeable of what is expected of him as the leader of the team, she will come to full bloom. Therefore, don’t worry too much about your lack of experience for now. When the time is right, your experience will come through the hands of your husband. He will bring you up to his standard. Cancer? What has it got to do with being a virgin? Sex or lack of it doesn’t cause cancer. Don’t mind them. As for the men leaving you because you refuse to sleep with them, don’t worry about them. It only shows they are after your body and not your mind. A man who is yours will first be interested in knowing whom you are, how your mind works before expressing a wish to sleep with you. The right men always have the patience to wait because they desire to spend the rest of their lives with such women. The right man will understand your reason for wanting to wait until your wedding night. Sincerely, you don’t need these kinds of friends in your life if you are really serious about wanting to keep your virginity until your wedding night. Instead you need friends, who would encourage you in your quest. The fact that they have decided on the path to follow doesn’t mean you should go with them. Insist on your way of doing things rather than allow them to influence you. At 21, learn to be strong and very determined. You still have a very long way to go. While you are not too young to have a boyfriend, don’t be ashamed to let the man know what you stand for from the beginning. Contrary to what your friends think, men respect women who know where they are headed. Telling him what you stand for from the onset gives him the choice of either to stay or go. This in turn prevents you from unnecessary heartaches associated with going into a relationship with the wrong man. How many men would a woman sleep with before she meets the right man? If at the end of giving in to the pleasures of these men and they end up not staying, what would have become of you? Women suffer more from the wear and tear of frequent and roaming sex. Being faithful to a man helps to preserve a woman’s body and dignity, whereas going through different men make her body ages quicker since all these men are bound to handle her differently. Men have this attitude of manhandling the body of a woman they have no plans to marry. So, be wise and determined in your decision. Sex isn’t the only way available for a young couple to be happy together. By abstaining from sex, you give whatever relationship you will enter into the chance to survive the odds many couples go through. This is because you will both be depending on friendship, trust, and loyalty to overcome whatever challenges your relationship will eventually be passing through. To be a virgin isn’t a curse but a pride to womanhood, Be proud of who you are at all times. Good luck.