He doesn’t want me anymore

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I live with my boyfriend whom I love dearly and one I don’t want to lose. Recently, he stopped making love to me saying he doesn’t feel me anymore. But we still sleep on the same bed which is very hard for me because I get horny and want him to fulfill my sexual desires. How can I make him have sex with me again because I don’t want any other man? I don’t understand how he can resist me while most men say I am beautiful and sexy, which is true. Sexy Lady. Dear Sexy Lady, I smell certain measure of arrogance in your attitude; and this maybe the problem in your relationship with this man. You are not doing this man a favor by sleeping with him. You are the one whose value is diminishing because a man has nothing to lose by the number of women he sleeps with. While a man can announce to the world the number of women he has slept with, no woman, no matter how permissive the society has become will have the boldness to put a figure to the number of men she has slept with. It will also do you a world of good to appreciate that a woman’s beauty and appeal don’t last forever especially if she isn’t the careful one. A woman’s true beauty lies within her; in the choices she makes in life as well as her determination to elevate the right virtues of her unique positions of being a woman, wife and mother. If sex is all that interest you in your destiny, then you are denying the wholesome pleasures that come from the diverse roles women play in the society, home and life of her family. A valuable woman is one who can multi-task, be a little of everything not the one who selects just one role and stays on it. Sex is good but if that is all you are good at, no man wants a woman that is every man’s darling in the bedroom. There is more to life and relationship, than sex. A woman must be able to deposit something extraordinarily positive in the life of her man to remain relevant in his life. If all you care about is sex, of what use are you to this man as a woman? Sex is something a man can get anywhere; and sometimes of a better quality and pleasure. Besides, if really pressed for it, he can pay someone for the pleasure. It is that cheap and certainly not criteria any man would push forward in his choice of a woman to spend the rest of his life with. While a man can teach a woman to give him good and quality lovemaking, he cannot teach her how to be a good, responsible and worthy woman. These are qualities a woman must have to sustain the interest of the man in her life. There is no way a relationship based on sex alone will last because no man can live on sex alone. Granted your beauty and sex appeal can attract the interest of men but these are things that don’t last. These same men will soon lose interest in your person when they find out that you have nothing else to offer them. This precisely is what the attitude of your boyfriend is telling you; that, he is tired of a woman who has nothing to offer him beyond the pleasure of her body. Since you don’t want to lose him, get serious about your life and priority. All those men you think desire you today, will one day look through those things you think are important to you because right beside you, is another young lady with better sex appeal. To get him back, sit down to take stock of your relationship since you started. Also, take into account your own attitude towards life, the things you play up as being more important to you as a woman. Then ask yourself this vital question as truthfully as you can; if you were a man, would you stay with the kind of woman you come up with? There is no way this man would turn cold on you if you know other secrets about him; for instance, as the woman who warms his bed, how far have you been able to read his other needs? For instance, do you know the kind of foods that excite him the most? Many a time, women, generally feed the men in their lives with convenient foods without pausing to think if the man likes what he is eating. As a woman, you should endeavor to make yourself so relevant in your man’s life that it would be impossible for any other woman to steal him from you. To get him interested in you again, learn to pamper him because he is really your first child. Every tribe has a peculiar meal; go and learn how to make his native meal. Forget the rice and stew story most of them give; there is always something special about a man’s native soup that makes a huge impact in his subconscious. Even if you don’t have anybody to teach you, why not learn; get a friend whose passion is cooking to teach you how to cook real food, assorted native soups as well as good vegetable soups to make him want to come back home anytime he is out of the house. You also have to teach yourself how to clean the house and keep your environment clean. For instance, how often do you change the bed-sheets you both sleep on and make love? How clean and organized is the room you both sleep in? How observant are you of his moods? A good woman must be able to read the moods of her man, knowing when to push the agenda of sex and when to back off. For example, you don’t even know what issues are bothering your man. All you care about is the fact that he isn’t having sex with you whereas, he could be going through serious challenges that make sex the last thing on his mind. Your place as the woman in his life is to find out and offer him whatever assistance you can. This will make him appreciate your feelings for him and also tell him that he isn’t just a man that satisfies only your sexual needs but one you care so much about. Just like you won’t want any man to value your body more than your happiness, men also don’t appreciate a woman who limits all her interest in them to his sexual performance. This man outside the bedroom has needs, dreams, emotions and disappointments. Without the right frame of mind, there is no way he can perform in the bedroom. The total summation of his well being is etched on his happiness and fulfillment as a man. If you learn to think less of yourself, you might just discover that his disinterest in sex has nothing to do with you but with himself and his business. Develop the habit of constant communication. There is no moving a relationship forward without knowing how to discuss your challenges. Both of you must be ready to talk, listen to each other and take a joint decision that will grow a better understanding between the two of you. This is important and one of the secrets that sustains a relationship. Once a man and woman are able to overcome the issue of keeping secrets from each other, appreciate the essence of exchanging information, they develop a bond nothing can penetrate because they have become not just lovers but good friends as well. Even if the love side of their relationship has problems, their friendship side will step forward to save the relationship from collapsing. Often than not, this is the ingredient that helps difficult relationships to survive the storm. No matter how compatible a couple is in bed, if unable to sustain a relationship outside the confines of the bedroom, sex becomes a mere function, an animalistic urge lacking in power to patch up leaks in the wall of the relationship. Therefore, you need to find ways of getting through to the inner person; to help you find a better understanding into the direction your relationship with him is headed. This relationship needs more seriousness on your part as well as a clear cut idea because vision drives one’s dreams. So rather than concentrate on the mundane issue of sex, look into the more serious issues of his well being and happiness. Once you deal with the issues making him unhappy, it will be easier for you to get him to cheer up in the bedroom. Good luck.