She got pregnant for another man while I was abroad

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I had a girlfriend who affianced herself to me. She gave me her body, love and her soul. She also made me promise never to disappoint her. I in turn, promised to love her with my whole heart. She told me of her past relationship and how the boy didn’t treat her well. She also told me that she was still a virgin; I didn’t want to take it away from her even when she offered it to me. I stopped at kissing and romancing her. I thought it was the reason she left her former boyfriend. I was also a virgin. I didn’t have a girlfriend before I met her. I love her and have kept my promise to her. She wanted us to become lovers but I disagreed because I wanted her especially to come of age. I traveled out for two years and by the time I came back, she already had a baby. I couldn’t believe my eyes and I felt very disappointed because of all the promises we made to each other; including me not having a girlfriend while out there. The problem now is that she wants to come back as soon as the baby is old enough. What should I do? Bothered Guy. Dear Bothered Guy, What manner of woman would leave her little baby to follow another man? No matter how young or in love she is with you, the moment she agreed to sleep, get pregnant and have a baby for another man, she forfeited every right to the relationship she had with you. She has made her choice, don’t get involved with her again or at least she is absolute about her relationship with the father of her child. But, whatever made her sleep with this man and have a baby for him should make her stay in the relationship with the man. She is no longer single, she now has responsibility to other people especially that baby who needs the love and attention of the mother. You are no longer under any obligations to her. Whatever promises you made to her have been invalidated by her decision to get involved with another man. She cannot blame you for whatever decision you made on this matter. Allow her be. This is not to say you cannot be a friend to her. The fact that she made this choice doesn’t mean both of you should stop being friends. Her only blame here is that she didn’t trust you enough to have kept faith with the promises you both made to each other. The fact remains that not everybody has the resilience to cope with long distance relationship. That you were able to cope doesn’t mean she can. For this reason, don’t condemn her. Perhaps at the stage you left her, her body chemistry was ready for the ultimate; once a woman’s mind has been tuned towards that goal, it takes the grace of God to stop her from agreeing to the first available man. You lost her the moment she offered you herself and you declined. Leaving her at the time she was most susceptible worked against every good intentions she may have had. She may not have done it to hurt you but that doesn’t mean you should in any way encourage her to leave the father of her child. For now she needs a friend, the kind she can rely on and who in turn will always be by her. Encourage her to be a good mother to her child and to be true to her man. Under no circumstance must you try to encourage her to leave her responsibilities to her child and man to follow you. As for you, follow the leading of God for you. If He actually wanted the both of you together, she would have waited for you. Good luck.