I love no one like her, but she’s indecisive

With Agatha EdoEmail: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, Let me use this medium to appreciate you for saving so many people from the challenges of our day-to-day relationships. I am 30 years of age, dating a lady who is in her 20s. Although not more than 25 years of age, she however behaves as if she is older than she really is. I met her when she was seeking admission into the university. For six months we dated until she called me one night to ask for suspension of the relationship. She said she needed time to sort out some private issues. I insisted she must tell me why she needed the break but she refused, all she said was she would tell me her reason after it was all over. She also assured I would appreciate her reason. As a result, we didn’t communicate for a good year. She later secured admission into the Federal University of Technology, Yola, Adamawa State. That is where she is currently living and schooling while I live and work in Abuja. Incidentally, the day and time I decided to call her was also when she made the decision to call me. Our calls clashed; I withdrew mine for hers to come through. When I asked, if she had come back to stay she said, it was a possibility. But from that day we continued from where we stopped. She later confessed that she left me for a year to enable her read and pass her O level papers. She said her love for me was becoming so much of a problem for her that if she didn’t ask for the break then, she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on passing her papers. According to her, now that she is back, she can handle her studies and our relationship. Things have been going on very well since October, last year until she stopped calling me. But I continued and each time I call her, she tells me she is missing me but because of the distance between us, the passion and feelings that she has for me have gone down. She said, she no longer has feelings for me. Last week, I asked her to marry me when she is on her industrial training but she said she wished she could develop enough love to agree with my proposal because I have been so good to her. She went on to say any time she makes the move to call me, something will prevent her from doing so, saying it wasn’t important. Agatha I love this girl. The distance between us is responsible for this situation. She swore to me that she isn’t involved with any other man and isn’t under any kind of pressure. How do I win her love back? Even though she says she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, she admits liking me a lot as well as expressed the hope that she could come to love me as much as she did again. I have prayed for someone else, but I haven’t found anyone. What do I do to save my relationship with this lady? Worried Guy. Dear Worried Guy, If you think this lady is worth having in your life, you must be ready to make the sacrifice needed to salvage the relationship. The distance between you and this lady is the effort it will take you to book a flight ticket to Adamawa State or to the nearest airport to the place. It isn’t as if you are millions of mile apart; you live in the same country, so what is preventing you from going over to see her and discuss things over? Not every relationship can survive the coldness of telephone calls especially if the relationship is still in its nascent stage. She may really love you, but it is obvious that she cannot cope at all with the loneliness; or the absence of her man for as long as a year. You work hence can afford to pay your way to see her. Relationship is about making sacrifices. Even if it is for a weekend, go over to discuss with her. From what you have said, she is indeed a very honest young lady. With her level of maturity and honesty, both of you should not have any problem whatsoever sorting things out. Besides, you also need to see where she lives as well as the kinds of friends she keeps. Be part of her life now that she needs the presence of her man by her side. One thing is to be in love another thing is to have the chance to build memories. Even if at the end of the day, she insists on going on with her plans to quit, it will be on record that you tried your best to arrest the downwards slide of your relationship. The truth is that every woman wants to be pampered by the man in her life. If you aren’t making the efforts to visit her while you both are in the country, what will happen when one of you is out? One mistake you made was not to go over the first time she asked for a break. Any man who cares so much about his woman would have taken the step of going over to find out what the problem really was. And when you both decided to come back together, you still didn’t think it proper to pay her a visit to seal up any wound the year-long separation may have caused. No matter how mature she is as a person, she is first and foremost a human being and a woman. She may not be able to put her hand on the specifics for now but your seemingly indifference may be the reason for her decision. Seeing her will help both of you dig into the real matter of her falling out of love with you. It isn’t normal. There is clearly something you are both glossing over which you are both ignoring or, which you are both pretending is a normal thing. Good luck.