He wants love-making spiced with new styles

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, I need your help urgently. My husband and I are Christians. We both grew up in strong Christian homes and members of the same church. I actually married him as a virgin. Our marriage is five years’ old. Sometime last year, I noticed a sort of restlessness in my husband. He began to demand for new ways of making love. Some of them were very odd to me. I refused him and at a time threatened to report him to the church authority. That stopped him from putting the pressures on me. However since then, he hasn’t come near me. It has been six months now. I fear if nothing is done, I may lose him to another woman with the way things are going between us. I am not that naïve. My husband is the kind of man who loves sex. But I am worried about one thing. One of his requests was for oral sex; a practice I know is not biblical. Despite not knowing how to go about placating him, is oral sex recommended especially for us as Christians? Our church is against it. Please help me. Worried Wife. Dear Worried Wife, What does the Bible say about the position of the husband in the home? What does the church say about the wife; her role in the home and husband’s life? Your Bible like mine harps on the headship of the man in the home front. Therefore, as your head, he has the right to ask while your duty is to give. Besides, the Bible also stresses the need for wisdom to succeed in marriages. As Christians, whose law is more powerful — that of the Bible or the church? You have to make the choice of what is important to you in life. It is either you go along with your husband’s desires or go with what the church wants. Your husband has made his position very clear; the choice is yours to make. It is either you negotiate peace at home on his terms or mortgage peace in your home simply because you want to do what the pastor says. Most times, what pastors say and what the Bible teaches aren’t the same. In the first place, it isn’t the business of the pastor or church to teach married couples what kind of sexual styles to adopt. The business of the church is to teach morals to both young and old; not how married couples should find their sexual harmony. To risk your marriage simply because a pastor is declaring his or her personal opinion on a matter that is very fundamental to the sustenance of marriage is to throw away the basis of your union. What you and your partner do in the privacy of your bedroom is your concern and not that of any other person. What would happen if your husband decides to marry another woman who can give him what he wants in the bedroom? Will the pastor marry your or the church force him to stay with you? What if he impregnates another woman? What would be your gain and story? What kind of stories will you tell your children, family and friends are the cause of break-up in your home? A marriage is an everlasting journey; one that requires so many sacrifices to make it work. If your husband is the kind of man that loves sex, you must learn to flow in the same realm else, you open your doors for another woman to take over. God that created sex knows the importance of it to the human mind and being. That is why He instructed it to be done within the walls of marriage. He knows its potency hence instructed the man and woman in the union of marriage not to deny each other the pleasure of sex. You broke this important rule by turning down your husband’s desires. If he decides to seek solace in the arms of another woman, the same pastor you are trying to please will be the first to deny and condemn your actions because the Bible is very clear on this matter. And, if he hasn’t asked you for sex for six months, it can only mean one thing, that someone else is already giving him that which you refused to. This is particularly so because he loves sex. I am sure the danger of this isn’t lost on you. If you don’t act fast to make amends, do something extraordinary to attract him back, you may just wake up and find another woman in your home as the new madam. Unfortunately that which, you should have done in stages and with his cooperation, you now have to fast-track on your own. Sex is the most delicate subject in every marriage. Once the chemistry is not properly mixed, it becomes the cancer eating into the binding fabric of the marriage. Sex in a marriage isn’t dirty, rather, it is very beautiful and special. Only people with uneducated minds, project sex as being evil and dirty. Sex has multifunctional roles to play in the development of a marriage as well as in the lives of the couple. One of the greatest things sex does is to fuse two people into one. When a couple has a really balanced sex life, you could almost tell from the way they think alike, look out for each other, are tender to their children and willingness to make extra sacrifices for each other. It makes the couple glow from within and brings about an ambience of peace in and around the couple. By denying your husband of his desires, how do you propose to grow your marriage to the level of absolute trust, loyalty and friendship? Like everything in life, we have to constantly upgrade for better results and satisfaction. Sex isn’t an exception. Every couple must from time to time upgrade sex between them else the marriage becomes stale and unexciting. Variations in sex are what keep the engine wheels of a marriage well lubricated. Eating a particular food every time can be very boring. Life shouldn’t be predictable. Sex is fun hence it needs different constant ideas to make it a pleasure each time a couple goes on an expedition. Therefore, you must fight for your home and husband by reading books on how to improve sex in a marriage. You don’t have to like the positions he is asking for. The important thing is to work yourself into it. Remember your happiness is not negotiable. If having oral sex with your husband is what would make him come back home to you, do yourself a favour by doing it. There is nobody that can live your marriage for you. The power to make your union happy is now in your hands. Good luck.