He won’t marry girl he had slept with

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I have been in this relationship for two years. I always dreamt it would end in marriage, but suddenly he told me that I could opt for another man if I wanted to. He said he can’t marry a lady he has had sex with, but suddenly he is back again, I don’t know what to do.

Dora.



Dear Dora,

He can afford to tell you to source your happiness elsewhere because you gave in too cheaply to his sexual demands. If he says he cannot marry a woman he has had sex with, it is because you gave him a reason to think you are in the habit of donating your body to every man who comes your way.

Painful and spiteful as his attitude is, it only goes to underline the fact that men want women for other reasons than sex. When it comes to the choice of a life partner, most men are not looking for the woman who scores excellently well in the bedroom alone. They want a woman who knows everything about pleasing a man. This goes beyond sex; rather it is more about all the other things that transform an ordinary friendship into a lifetime union.

When a woman lacks patience, understanding of the man in her life, doesn’t know how to help him groom or expand his dreams, isn’t his friend, doesn’t know how to care for his home or cook his food, has no respect for him or his friends, is completely ignorant on how to transform a boy-man into a man.

A woman must have all the extras to inspire a man to want to keep her. Also some men prefer a woman, they can teach on their own personal etiquettes. They don’t want a woman who comes with any previous experience.

Now that he is back, there is the need for you to spell out the conditions under which you can have him back. This is your opportunity to teach him some lessons in mutual respect, to make him understand that giving him your body doesn’t make you cheap and without principle, that you gave him your body for two years because you loved him and not because you have very low moral values.

Whether he meant what he told you or not the first time is immaterial. What matters is his total evaluation of your person. Whatever excuse he may come up with now to explain his reason for saying what he said, in your interest don’t be deceived because what he said is precisely what he thinks about you.

In the first place, ask yourself if it is essential you go back to him. Do you think he is capable of defending your honour if something wanting him to defend you in such circumstances comes up?

You have to be sure you are not letting yourself in for a very serious disappointment later in life. This is the time you have to be very honest with yourself; when you have to overlook the issue of love and focus on all the other things you deserve in a man. One thing is for you to know what you want; another is to get what you deserve to keep you absolutely happy in life.

In the last two years, you gave freely of yourself to this man because you thought he is what you need to be happy. But is he what you deserve in life? Do you think you deserve his condemnation given the fact that he also enjoyed tremendously from the intimacy you offered him?

If you think you deserve his condemnation or feels your love for him is something you cannot do without for some inexplicable reason; consider him but not before you spell out what format your relationship would take from this point.

You can have him back but on the condition that you would no longer sleep with him until he pays your bride price. With this kind of man, your determination and ability to stick to your resolve is the only thing that can earn you his respect. If you make the mistake of capitulating midway, you risk being hurt deeper than he has already done.

Good luck.