I wedded her with another man’s pregnancy

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com , Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

Last year I met and fell in love with one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Her beauty was enough for me. Against the advice of my family and friends, I broke off my 8-year-old relationship with my former girlfriend and married my new love precisely a month after I broke it off.

My mother didn’t bother to attend the wedding. She told me I would end up regretting my decisions to break off my old relationship as well as the haste in marrying my woman.

Almost immediately after our wedding she announced that she was pregnant. I was very happy at the development.

During the pregnancy I did everything to make her happy, irrespective of my mother’s opinion that I have been duped. She began this line of argument when I informed her that my wife was pregnant. She told me right there and then that the pregnancy wasn’t mine; that the lady I think is a saint was already pregnant before our wedding night. I told her it wasn’t possible that I met her a virgin.

Although there was no blood but she was tight as if making love for the first time. It was actually what made me make up my mind about her. She explained the lack of blood on the kinds of exercises she does to stay trim.

Less than six months into our marriage, she went into labour. She told me it was premature, but when I got to the hospital, the baby wasn’t in the tube as I had expected. When I asked her why the baby wasn’t in the tube, she said the baby was big, hence the doctor didn’t think it necessary for the baby to be in the incubator.

I had no reason to doubt her, but when my mother came to the hospital to see the baby, she insisted the baby was full term. She would have dragged me to the doctor to confirm but for the intervention of my elder sister who said we should keep our family secrets to ourselves.

Up till that point, I really thought my mother was out to make trouble, hence dismissed her claims. It wasn’t until the naming ceremony that I began to suspect something was wrong somewhere. There was this particular man that came with her friends.

He also came with a group of his friends and sat in a corner all by himself. They came with their own drinks and food. His friends were busy congratulating him and I noticed that they were all very familiar with my wife and even referred to her as their wife.

I also noticed that the man and his friends performed what looked like a naming ceremony when she took the baby to them. It was so obvious that others too noticed it because people began to talk.

It was actually my 10-year-old niece, who made the innocent observation that, my baby and this man looked very much alike. And when I looked closer, I discovered to my shock the baby was his carbon copy.

I felt humiliated and deflated because my whole family and friends noticed the resemblance between this man and my so-called child.

When I threatened to kill her later, she told me the truth about her life. She told me that the baby isn’t mine and that she used lime and alum to wash to make me think she is a virgin.

She said she decided to marry me because her lover is a married man, but whose wife cannot give him a child due to an abortion they did while in school that went wrong.

It is for this reason he cannot divorce his wife. Besides the wife’s father is well connected in the presidency and must not know about his illegitimate child else he would be thrown back into the streets where he belongs.

Now the proposition is that I keep the baby for him while he rewards me with juicy contracts until it is safe for him to take mother and child with him.

The implication is that I don’t have a marriage any more. I cannot divorce her while the contract between the man and me lasts. What do I do Agatha?

Should I go back to my ex who is still single to plead with her for patience or tell the man I am not interested in what he has to offer me; that he should take my wife and his son away from my home?

I am so confused about everything. Meanwhile my family is insisting she leaves my house with her baby immediately. Your help is urgently needed.

Olawale.



Dear Olawale,

You are the only one that can determine what you want for yourself. From the tone of your letter and your line of thoughts, you appear to lack the depth needed to be thorough in crucial decision-making.

Honestly, there is no help anyone can offer you, but the one you give yourself. Having made a fine mess of your life, you appear set to make another one because of the money involved.

If you weren’t who you are, this other man would not have the guts to make such a proposition to you nor would the woman and her child stay in your house after that show of shame. But because you lack the kind of character and ability to stay focused on what you have at hand, you will continue to make terrible mistakes.

The issue now is beyond what is happening to you. It is more a matter of you sitting down to properly plan your life. Had you done that, you would have been able to detect something wasn’t right about your new woman from the beginning as well as resist her beauty.

You would have known that there is more to a person than beauty or riches. You would have investigated more the reactions of your friends and family. It is one thing for a mother to be against the woman of choice of her son, but a different matter when friends too oppose one’s choice. You should have asked your mother more probing questions on why she thinks you have been duped.

If she didn’t oppose your former relationship wth your ex, you should have been curious to know why she was so vehement against your current choice.

At that point, you should have tarried a little bit and not allow her to rush you into a marriage you werent prepared for.

Granted there is nothing you can do about your past mistake, but you can do a lot about your current situation if you want to live a normal life again.

Yes, this man has promised you juicy contracts, but has refused to say when he would come for his woman and child. Until he does, you will never be able to marry or move on with your life. So, telling your ex to wait for you is needless. Even if she agrees to come back to you, for how long do you expect her to be patient and wait for you to untangle yourself from the maze you unwittingly walked into?

What do you really have to offer her? Deep down would you have considered her at all if things worked for you and this other woman? If you didn’t have any considerations dumping her after eight years of courtship, what makes you think she would be willing to take you back after her humiliations and emotional pains suffered when you walked away from her to marry another woman?

Feelings are not like taps that you can turn on and off, as you like. If you ever loved this woman don’t go back to her. Doing so would only mess things more for you and everyone concerned. In the first place, you are still a married man under the law, which means you are not free to promise any woman anything. Deep down do you think it would be fair to subject her to this kind of life? Had you something good and promising to offer her, she may consider and forgive you of your past mistake, but to go to her when you have nothing to give her is asking too much of a woman you have hurt so deeply.

Stay away from her and allow her meet and marry a man who truly loves and respects her. You had your chance with her and made your choice.

It would be in your final interest to reject the insulting offer made you by this man. No matter the money involved, it cannot compare to your integrity as a man. At this junction in your life, it is important for you to firm and resolute to avoid living a life of regrets and failures.

Tell him you are not interested; that he has the option of taking his child and the mother out of the country. They have a better chance of staying going unnoticed there. Someone is bound some day to find about the similarities between your purported son and the man in question. By then you would also be a target for the woman and her family.

Quietly apply for a divorce to give you the chance to another life. If you have this determination, nothing stops you from going to ask your former girlfriend for forgiveness but this can only happen if you have something positive to offer her.

You really need the grace and help of God to resist the force of money and beauty to make the right choice with your life. So go to Him in prayers.

Good luck.