I hate marriage with passion

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
How does one solve this problem? I hate marriage. I was married once, but now divorced. Even before that marriage, I hated marriage. I can’t stop wondering why people are dying to get married in the first place. Now, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t go out of my way to advise people otherwise. But what is wrong with being single? I am fed up with marriage suggestions from friends and family members. How do I tell them that I sincerely hate marriage? Please no preaching or reference to Bible. I am 45 and well educated and read. Bobo.

Dear Bobo,
Sincerely, there is nothing wrong in being single as long as one can cope with the loneliness as the years roll by. The choice to marry or not is an individual thing. It is your life and you know what suits you the most. Friends and family members who appear to be intruding on your privacy by their marriage advocacy are only concerned about you, because a time would come when you would no longer be as active as you are and will be in need of someone to help you carry on when the days are dark, grey and the shadows of loneliness amplified. This is the essence people get married, to have someone to talk to, to be one’s eyes and hands when ill health comes, when the bones are too weary to obey simple commands, someone of your own who unlike paid helps would show personal commitment to the issue of one’s welfare. However, this is not to dismiss your feelings. Obviously something must have happened in your past, could be an incident right back to your very tender years which you may have forgotten but has deeply affected your psychology concerning one of life’s natural processes. Whatever your experiences are, you need to understand that life isn’t always what it seems. There is always a flipside to an issue. Today, you are still young, strong and able to do everything you wish but remember that age withers and that no amount of money can ameliorate happiness and peace that come from knowing come what may that there is someone to pick up one’s pieces. This has nothing to do with sex as many erroneously believe, as the age piles up, marriage gradually shifts from physical benefits to companionship and friendship. These are what give warmth to the soul and spirit. This is the reason people marry. If it is just for the sexual intimacy, this can be gotten almost free in the open market. The human being is wired to share his or her space at maturity. It isn’t just what the society expects but what God programmed us to be. Marriage also provides a very good platform for training. No matter what your field of specialty is as a man, if not exposed to the dynamism of the female specie full time, such a man would never be considered for certain managerial positions. Any man who hasn’t been able to manage a woman full time isn’t always though good enough to handle some sensitive positions. This is because a man who can live with a woman, tolerate the human being God created her to be, can almost put up whatever challenges he comes across in his official assignment. A woman is the greatest challenge and puzzle for any man to manage and resolve. Marriage isn’t just another institution but one that schools and prepares the man for greater challenges in life. This is another reason a lot of men, who ordinarily wouldn’t have dared or wanted it are today in it. Its fringe benefits are such that it cannot be quantified. As a man you aren’t built for certain chores. Even if you find cooking fun, house cleaning easy, these are the natural domains of a woman. Try to imagine yourself at 70 on the day your paid staff goes on holiday and the lady in your life refuses to play nurse maid, you feel like eating a particular dish and have nobody to cook it for you? Granted if you have reservations about marriage given the attitudes of some women to marriage but the fact remains in years to come you would come to realise that life is a stage and every stage adds its value to whomever we end up being. Like I said, it is your ultimate choice. You are too old man to be forced into a situation you don’t want in your life. Let your friends and family know that you are one of those persons who cannot withstand for too long people sharing their space. You are not alone. There are people who indeed are not comfortable with marriage. But learn to have an opened mind about it. You may be surprised to find out how much you have been missing when you find the right person. The problem might be that you haven’t found the right woman. Good luck.