Her condition for love deal sounds awkward…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I am an ardent reader of your column and I want to say a very big thank you for all the wonderful ways you have been pulling broken hearts together.

I met this young lady and we started as friends but as time would have it, I fell in love with her and I decided to ask her out for a lifelong relationship. But she started acting funny. Some other time she would simply tell me she’s sorry. And without hesitation, I would forgive her.

But mostly she hurts me by telling me she prefers to have men just as friends. When I decide to end everything, she turns around to say all the other guys have at one time or the other asked her out.

Agatha, I love her with every thing in me and if I ask her if she feels the same about me, she’ll turn it to a joke. But the amazing thing is that, sometimes she’ll be more serious than I am. We have been going out for about a year now.

Not too long ago she told me she loves me and would like to spend the rest of her life with me, but we should give ourselves space. When I asked her why, she did not give me any reasonable answer. And while we were together her phone rang, the caller was a man. Hence she didn’t want to answer it because I was there. We ended up quarrelling over the incident. When I called her for us to reconcile, she said I have to apologise to the guy first, else it was over between us.

Agatha, please help me. How do I resolve this issue once and for all?

Kingsley.


Dear Kingsley,

You can resolve this issue once and for all by being bold. Face the reality of the situation; you can force a horse to the river, but you cannot force it to drink water.

It is either you both have a relationship or you don’t have. You have to make up your mind on what you want from life. Asking you to apologise to this man as precondition for her coming back to you is completely out of the question. Even if you jumped to the wrong conclusions about the nature of her relationship with this man, it is out of place to peg her acceptance of your apology on apologising to the man too.

No matter what you have done, she should protect your dignity as her man before others. That she is willing to expose you to the scorn and humiliation of begging another man before she can listen to what you have to say shows that she has very little regards for your feelings.

Still make the attempt to make up with her to erase every doubt from your mind. But if she insists that until you do as she has demanded, let go. In the first place there appears to be no relationship, at least from her end. What you have just done in the last one year is to run in circles.

Use the opportunity provided by this situation to revaluate your closeness to her. Begin by asking yourself if she is a must for you. Honestly, you won’t know until you actually think about it in terms of the value she has added into your life. The quality of happiness she has given you as well as fulfilment she has given you in terms of support she has given you.

Relationship is more than romance. It is what complements us as human beings. The right kind of relationship can bring very positive transformation into one’s life. With the right kind of support, a man and woman can achieve what was once considered impossible. This is the potency of a good relationship.

If you are still struggling after one year with her to find the key, get her to respond to you in the right way, trust and respect you, a lot is very wrong. Chances are you won’t ever get it right with her unless you embrace the truth of this situation. Give it back to her; insist if she wants to stay with you she should also learn to accord you the respect you deserve.

Good luck.