Hard to bowel her knack for old men…

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I recently turned 27 and came back from the United Kingdom for my National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) in one of the biggest hotels in Nigeria. At the completion of my service year I got employed by the same company I served. It was in this company that I met the love of my life. Prior to my coming back to Nigeria, I never entertained the idea of dating Nigerian girls; I have always preferred Nigerians in Diaspora like myself. This is because of the perception I have that Nigerian women are promiscuous.

Working in the hotel daily exposes me to the nature of women here especially between young ladies and old men. Things like that make me sick to my stomach.

However when I met Amanda everything changed. Amanda was like God sent then. I encouraged her to stop work at the hotel and go back to school. I didn’t hide the fact that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

During our discussions she told me she once dated a married man and I almost dumped her because she confided in me. She promised it would never happen again. I advised her to plead for God’s forgiveness.

While at the hotel, she met an old white man who has kept calling her. I didn’t hide my discomfort over his calls. She often asks me to allow her go and hang out with him, a request I initially refused but later gave in to, due to trust.

One day I realised he took her out for shopping but she didn’t tell me because she was afraid of what I might do but she later called and told me while she was with him. As of now, I am helping her financially but I am not able to support her fully as I have other people who depend on me.

She says she’s only interested in the financial help the man is offering her and that he has never asked her for sex. I fear that one day she will start having sex with this old man because of money as they are getting closer and closer. I have called and warned the man to stay away from my girl but he has obviously refused to do that.

I hate him so much but I blame my girl for giving him the space to get close to her, it makes me feel like she’s cheap and worthless. We recently had a heated argument and she told me that she is not interested in having a relationship with the man; that he is offering her financial help to better her future and that if I am uncomfortable with his presence I should leave her.

I feel she has chosen him over me; it makes me feel that she does not value me at all. She also said that prior to meeting me, she detested dating young single men due to their complaints and hunger for sex, that she preferred dating married men who will spend on her, give her freedom and wouldn’t have much sex with her. However she admitted that she prayed for a man like me and that God has answered her prayer when she met me. She is only 20 years of age.

I love her drive to succeed in life but I hate the method she is using to reach that goal. She is very honest with me and loves me very much without doubt but I believe in a few years time if not married, I would be going into the marriage institution. Should I leave her and find a suitable lady? I guess the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know right? Should I give her a chance? Can she grow to become my wife? She is everything I look for in a woman but she also loves attention from men, which I hate. Sometimes I query God for allowing me to meet her and on the other hand, I thank God for bringing her into my life. I have other women that want me that she is aware of but I don’t even look at them twice.

One mind is telling me to seek an audience with the white man and explain everything to him and that if he is reasonable, he would leave my girl alone. Meanwhile another mind is also telling me to reveal my gangster side to him and teach him a lifetime lesson. If the white man leaves her, will she not get involved with another person for financial help? Should I focus more on establishing myself instead of worrying too much about her and her so called male friends?

Please advise me accordingly because I’m about to lose my mind.

Sean.


Dear Sean,

Concentrate more energy on establishing yourself than worrying about your girlfriend and her attitude. She has made her choice very clear and you would be doing yourself a great injustice by neglecting your own dreams. You need to take your own life more serious than you are currently doing.

Going to the other man to leave her alone or deploying violence won’t change the way she thinks. She has not hidden what moves her from you. She is blinded by money and anywhere she smells the perfume of money, like butterfly she would go towards that direction.

The man could arrest you for assault, harassment or threat to his life because he has no business with you. And don’t be too sure this lady would stand by you if your interference means her losing a viable client. You won’t be able to cope with the attendant mess the man may cook for you should you venture to confront him.

It is your girlfriend you have business with and if she isn’t pretending about the side of her bread the butter is most generous, do yourself a world of good by pretending that no other man exists in her life. This way you would have the presence and peace of mind to concentrate on your life. In fairness to the white man, he has stolen your woman or forced her into a situation she doesn’t want to be in. She has the goods and he has the money to buy. If there is anyone you need to confront, it is your girlfriend.

Money is what she wants and not the love you have to offer her. If you are unable to make it at the end of the day, this young lady would eventually leave you for a man who has what she requires to be happy.

You may love her and she you, but love isn’t enough for her and would never be strong enough to make her absolutely loyal to you.

There is no way the man would not eventually demand for sex and she won’t give in. Since it is obvious that money motivates her, if the other man threatens to stop the flow of money to her, she would either she likes it or not succumbs to his demands because he has what she wants.

Frankly, this isn’t the kind of lady you should give your all to. At 20, she is far too experienced for you. She is already wise on the ways of women. Unless you are prepared to share her until she is ready to quit her act, you may have to consider so many things in your current situation as well as relationship.

In addition to concentrating on your own self-development, down play your feelings for her. You cannot love this woman more than you do to yourself. You have to get rid of that thing you are afraid to confront in this relationship. Whether you like it or not, she isn’t exclusively yours. You are sharing her with other men so why are you so much afraid of losing her? By giving her permission to see this white man, you unwittingly gave consent to her to date the man.

It is time you took charge of this relationship because contentment is a vital key to the progress and success of a relationship. If you are funding her, no matter how meager, she should be contented with it. There is something about perseverance. A woman who cannot endure hardship, make sacrifices for the man in her life isn’t ready for a future with that man.

Your love isn’t an excuse for you to condone her misbehaviour. Insist that unless she is ready to do away with all the other men in her life, you may have no choice but reconsider your relationship. For now, she isn’t ready to change for you. You can only stay with a person who is willing to change, but in a situation where this lady isn’t repentant, there is little you can do for her.

If you truly love her, be the friend she needs for now to protect yourself from emotional pains and disappointment. You need all your efforts to succeed in whatever you decide to do.

There is nobody that cannot change but the issue is, when. And is she even ready to change from her ways? How long are you ready to endure the embarrassment of seeing your girl with other men?

Make up your mind before this woman destroys you for another woman.

Good luck.