She agreed to marry me, but can’t grow her love…

with Aunty Agatha, email, gataedo@yahoo.com; agatha.edo@gmail.com; 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I want to thank God for using you to be a blessing to this generation especially the young ones, there is this lady I met last year through my cousin, I like her because she is my kind of person. Sincerely, I would like to marry her.

I have actually proposed marriage to her and she has accepted. But I don’t understand her character, she finds it difficult to call even when I send her airtime or she sees my missed calls. I am always the only one calling her. Please I need your candid advice on how to handle her because I like her so much and would not like to lose her.

Worried Brother.




Dear Worried Brother,

One thing is to see someone you would very much love to have in your life another thing is for both of you to share the same enthusiasm for being together.

She may have accepted your proposal for marriage but from the look of things, both of you have nothing to work on at all. You are still very much strangers to each other and if you must move on from the point you have pegged yourselves, there is the need for you both to go back to the drawing board with a view of finding out a common meeting point between you.

Sincerely, offering her proposal when you barely know whom she is, a huge mistake. For any relationship to succeed, certain things must be put in place. Your proposal before you even had time to know her is akin to putting the cart before the horse. It shouldn’t have been the first thing to do. You needed time to familiarise yourself with her person, character and attitude before offering her a visa to share your space.

First impression isn’t always enough when it comes to the issue of deciding on a life partner. It is just the beginning of so many meetings, interactions before one can be sure that the first impression is the right one.

To help ease your disappointments with her, begin to see her as a friend, one you don’t mind calling because you desire to have her in your life. It is always easy to make a huge sacrifice for a friend than a lover. This is because with a friend, one is relaxed and has no shame exposing a weak side whereas one is constantly under pressure to put the right foot forwards when with a lover.

Also, regard her attitude as being of great assistance in the growth of your relationship. Now you know the challenge you are most likely to face with her if you end up as an item. Rather than see it as a huge discouragement, see it as a blessing in disguise. And the only way to do this is to understand her mental psychology regarding phone calls generally. Despite the huge success of mobile communication, many are still illiterates when it comes to telephone culture. Not many know that courtesy demands, a call from a known person, should be returned or text messages replied.

Often than not, it isn’t just a matter of not having enough credit on the phone but that of not knowing proper telephone usage ethics. Unfortunately many of us are guilty of this.

You won’t know if her attitude is deliberate or not unless you call her attention to it. You have to teach her, through love and not anger, how to respond to your messages as well as calls. Some things are better taught through the examples we give in our own attitudes.

Since your mind is on marrying her, it would do you a world of good to begin the process of integration now. Whatever sacrifices have to be made by both of you to get it right, begin the process now.

If you must know, you haven’t even started at all. The process that would take you from this point to marriage is a long painful journey of tolerance, patience, understanding as well as determination to make it work. There is no way you can get to the sweet part of a relationship without first paying attention to the bitter side. It is the devotion one gives to this bitter side that tells how sweet the relationship or marriage would be as the journey progresses.

In addition you need the presence and help of God from beginning to end.




Good luck.