He looks nice, but too short…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I have been dating this man for over three years but we have never had sex because I am still a virgin.

The idea of no sex came from me and he graciously agreed to my terms. We are both undergraduates in different schools and hardly have enough time to be with each other due to distance of our schools.

We only get to see once in four or five months but we are constantly communicating with each other. Distance hasn’t affected our relationship. He loves me so much; even his family members adore me. He is brilliant, hardworking, caring and God fearing. He wants to marry me in future but I am finding it very difficult to give him a clear answer because he is of average height. I have always dreamt of marrying a tall man. I am a bit taller than he is.

Please I need your advice. Kindly counsel me on what to do.

Ann.


Dear Ann,

Marriage doesn’t function on the physical looks of the couple, but on what they both have inside of them. You may have dreamt of marrying a man who is tall and handsome but if God didn’t create your ideal man in that mould, what are you going to do?

Height isn’t one of those things you discover about people as the days go by; it is an obvious thing, something one notices in a person instantly. Why did you agree to his offer of friendship when you knew he wasn’t your kind of man? Why did it take you three precious years of your life to come to this realisation that a relationship you have laboured tirelessly to build isn’t worth keeping on the premise of the man’s height?

There is something you aren’t saying. Whatever that thing or whoever he or she may be, just be sure you are sincere to yourself because you would be the one to suffer the regrets at the end of the day.

How exactly has his lack of your ideal height affected the quality of your relationship with him? Granted that you need to massage your dreams, but when one gets to the junction of naked reality, some dreams simply have to die if one hopes to stay happy in life.

In life the barometer to gauge our happiness and fulfillment in life remains the quality of our relationships. Only a few can function at full capacity while in very bad and disturbing relationships. For the majority, something would always be missing in their lives once their relationship is showing signs of problems.

Before you lose one man you will never be able to replace in your life, no matter how much you try; take real time out to reflect on your three years with him. How would you rank these years? That he didn’t harass you into submitting to his sexual desires, allowed you the freedom to keep your vows, shows a man matured and extremely understanding.

A lot of young men his age would always want to experiment with sex irrespective of whatever agreement they entered into with the girls in their lives.

If for three years, he didn’t, then it underscores a man with a strong character and a deep sense of responsibility. These are rare attributes; ones very sensible women are looking for in their men.

You will understand more of life if you have the benefit of listening to a lot of women and men who have suffered emotional disability due to wrong values marketed during their youths.

Life is a journey of strong and stormy winds. Everybody needs a friend to restore confidence in one’s ability when those challenges come. As a woman you would need the support of a very friendly and supportive husband to help you realise your ambitions in life.

You would need more than the height and looks of your partner to be contented in a marriage.

Perhaps you need to take time out to reflect on those things you think are important and what is really important at the end of the day to you and your future.

If you are astute enough you will discover your answers right in your heart, know what you should do. But, more often than not the problem is accepting what would work for us. From time immemorial, the struggle to submit to the will of God for us is tougher than doing what we think is right. Life is about whom we are and not what we are or look like.

To get a good perspective to what is right and wrong for you, please go to God in prayers. It is always important you submit to His will always. Allow His spirit to direct you rightly.

Good luck.