Dear Agatha,
Before going straight to the point I want to thank you for sharing what you have with anyone willing to learn. Apart from your obvious high level of education, you are clearly gifted in counselling. May God reward you for your selfless service?
I read your column of June 24, 2010; your response to the 33-year old lady who kept her virginity till she was 30, and was jilted by a man whom she said claimed to be born-again.
Two questions arose in my mind. The first is: how can a girl who is so chaste and disciplined, a girl that kept her virginity for 30 years indulge in sex before marriage? I think that is where the problem came from. If the man that deflowered her was married to her, he would have been more patient with her inexperience.
The second question I have is: is it possible for you to give me her e-mail address or mobile no? You can seek her consent first. I want to be friends with her. She seems decent to me, decent ladies are not easy to come by these days. I know you are not into matchmaking, I will consider this a favour. I am 35, single male from Delta State.
Thank you once again and God bless you.
Sunny.
Dear Agatha,
I read your responses to most questions and they make real sense to me, but I think your response to this particular writing would or should have been a little more intense to the writer.
A lady who should have been married with two kids or more just started dating at 30, and even after friends have spoken to her: then dated a born-again brother who thinks she’s not good enough in bed for him!
Please allow me say this: God isn’t punishing her but she has just not gotten the right man because she is comparing her friends to herself, meanwhile understand that God’s way is never the ways of man. Forget about him saying she wasn’t good on bed, that’s not real. Let me tell you, I’m a man and any man that loves a woman enough to marry her would go out of his way to teach her how to make love. Only a man who isn’t interested in the woman would after sleeping with her make such a flimsy excuse.
When a man complains that sex led him out of a relationship, it simply means his partner no longer attracts his interest, and that mostly comes from other reasons.
Please, she shouldn’t be misled, the guy did the right thing by making his mind known, but the lady should look closely into herself, let go of some of those hard-lined ideas of hers and learn to appreciate any man that comes her way. She should be bold enough to make her choice and ignore whatever her friends think. This is because what God has in mind for her might be something bigger on the longer run. If she refuses the goal of the small beginning she might end up missing the overall benefit. She should understand there is always a reason for every situation we find ourselves.
She must appreciate that sex in marriage differs from causal sex. Unlike permanent sex, causal sex doesn’t leave any impression making it so easy to forget. In a faithful marriage you must learn to be satisfied with what your partner has to offer. You must first be interested in the person so that your spirit could be interested in his, that’s the only way you could have long lasting happy sex in marriage. Let her check her attitude against those men who come her way.
Dear Agatha
I am a Nigerian male, a Christian, and currently resident in the UK. I log onto the Nigeriaword.com, website daily to read Nigerian news in an attempt to be fairly up-to-date with the goings-on in my country.
Consequently, I have found myself reading most of the ‘Dear Agatha’ letters and your often well-thought-out replies to the problems of those who seek your advice. Your replies are always very intelligently structured, very sincere, dispassionate and meaningful so much so that I created a special folder on my pc for all the ‘Dear Agatha’ letters and their corresponding advice published in the Nigeriaworld.com daily news website.
I am not kidding you. You are a brilliant and wise lady. One can only thank God for endowing you with such intelligence and wisdom.
After reading your reply to the letter published June 24, 2010, I was stirred by the brilliance of your response to send you this e-mail just to say you are indeed a very great mind and a very great lady too.
I am a great fan of yours.
God will bless you.
Kenny
Dear Agatha,
I have neither written to you nor responded to your column in a long while even when I felt compelled to. This was largely due to an inexplicable systems error when it comes to sending inputs or responses to your paper that I have now resorted to my alternative - office mail address - to maintain contact.
Agatha, you are one person that I believe is being used by God to assist people who ordinarily will not share such issues of life with their Pastors, be it male or female for fear of sanctions and all that. Your advice, most times, are down to earth and complete and at other times, you leave some things out. A case in point is this lady that lost her virginity at the age of 30 to a “staunch believer like herself,” but got abandoned still for another who she classifies as “morally bankrupt.” She, somewhere along the line, decided to rely on herself to get “a good husband” thereby leaving out the person that knows the very end from the beginning!
The lady missed something: God’s instruction concerning marriage! If she was married to that man before he discovered that she is a virgin, she would have been married already and it would have been the issue of her having to work on her ability to satisfy a man in bed and not that of him marrying another woman immediately! At this point also, the man would have had to be patient and equally actively involved in that process!
Like you rightly pointed out. It is true that a cross-section of our “staunch believing” sisters lack basic manners, so bad that apart from being brothers and sisters you would not want to have anything permanent to do with them, even as a believer! Some, out of lack of knowledge, just being crude and rejecting all refining ideas and all, so much that even in marriage they become a bore in bed (sex) and other aspects of married life. I’m not suggesting going against the word of God in these, but “she who wants to be loved should endeavour to herself lovable, first!” These are some of the things that work against them a lot.
Remain blessed.
Essien.
Dear Gbemi,
So many people have requested to have your contact address. If you are interested please resend your e-mail and phone number(s) so I can give them or publish as you may wish to have.
Agatha.
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