My Father Objects To Staying Close To My Fiancée

Dear Agatha,

I am 29. Since I couldn’t secure any meaningful means of livelihood, I have decided to relocate to Ibadan to start a little business since the cost of living is bearable there. I intend spending the rest of my life in Ibadan. This is also because my fianceé, who I want to marry is not only from there, she also resides there. I thought it best to go there therefore to begin to plan for my tomorrow. However, my father is against my plans. He is protesting my decision because my boyfriend lives in Ibadan. For this simple reason, he says he won’t allow me to go.

What can I do about this?

Omolara

Dear Omolara, 

He is only acting as every responsible parent should. Because of the uncertainty of tomorrow, he doesn’t want you to use the opportunity of living and trading in Ibadan to jettison every good thing he taught you and move in with your boyfriend. Even if you have pre-empted your wedding night, this is without his knowledge. To allow you go with his consent is to give support to whatever you and your boyfriend have been doing behind him. He is simply trying to protect you against yourself.

To your father, you are still in need of his protection and until he hands you over to a man as your husband, you are his responsibility. Unless he is from that town, he would naturally worry about your safety, where you would stay and feed pending the time your business begins to bring in the profit. It is only an irresponsible parent that would not consider these things and allow you do what you want to do. He fears the likely social reprisal of you living alone without any form of authority over your life.

What you can do is to insist your boyfriend and some of his people come to meet him formally, to convince him of the seriousness of his intentions. Not many parents are comfortable with the moral laxity that has become the hallmark of today’s youth. 

In addition to your fiancé’s people meeting him formally, you must also endeavour to show him that you are responsible by looking for a place of your own to stay. That you are old enough to marry doesn’t mean you should lack respect for his sensibilities. 

If you have never lived away from home, you have to convince him that you imbibed all that he and your mother have taught you. In addition, he has to understand why you think Ibadan would profit you than starting a business in Lagos. Do a feasibility study of the kind of business you think would do best in Ibadan as well as how you intend to make the difference. Hearing you discuss your plans with him would make him see how much efforts and thoughts you have put into it. As it stands now, he thinks your decision is being tele-guided by your need to be with your boyfriend than the real reason of having financial independence. 

Once convinced that you indeed know what you are doing, he would give you all the blessings you need to make the positive move. 

Also seek the face of God to know if your step is the right one.

Good luck.