Dear Agatha,
You are indeed a rare gem in tackling of relationships related problems. And my sincere prayer for you is that your hands would continue to be lifted higher.
I am 25 years of age in a relationship with a girl, who is 25 years of age. This girl, a secondary school holder, and I are both childhood friends. I so much love her that I promised to help her in preserving her virginity and personality until, through the grace of God, we end up a couple.
I went back to school. After a while I noticed she was having problems with effective communication. Baffled, I called her attention to the brewing problem of lack of communication within us. Initially she told me it was nothing. She was to send me a text message later that she no longer understood me. Then I had no inkling she was having an affair with another guy. During the end of that semester, I came home to find out what the problem really was. But she assured me everything was fine that she was just going through some financial hardship.
The first week I came back from school, she fell ill and was admitted in the hospital. I didn’t know the nature of her sickness, but just kept visiting her. When she came out of hospital, I was by her side, giving her all the assurances about my love for her.
When I started a vacation job, I didn’t have all the time in the world to keep visiting her as I used to. I later discovered that she became worried about my reduced visits to her, so I went again to explain why it was so. I knew I was wrong to have abandoned her so shortly after her sickness, hence I apologised to her. I honestly thought the matter was over as I went with a friend of mine the next day to her house.
While there, I attempted to take her phone, but she quickly grabbed it from me. I didn’t understand that she was trying to hide all the romantic messages on her phone as I wrongly assumed she was still upset with me over dearth of visits to her.
This reaction also triggered curiosity in me, hence led me into tricking her to part with the phone. It was at that point I discovered the real reason for her refusal to allow me go through it. I got to read all the text messages they both exchanged. Needless to say, I was very disappointed because she is the only girl I have and love. I also discovered that the affair has been on for two months.
I need your advice and help in this matter, because I love her so much and don’t want to lose her. But if it’s God’s will, I just must move forward and find my own soul mate.
Okafor.
Dear Okafor,
The moment a woman makes up her mind to have an affair outside her relationship, there is little the man in her life can do to make her change her mind unless she is ready to. This is because unlike men who find it easy to drift in and outside a relationship, it isn’t that easy for a woman unless she is morally bankrupt. This is not saying women don’t keep multiple relationships, but not as rampart as men do.
Since you know about it and love her so much to want to continue, call her attention to your discovery. Ask her why she did what she did. The distance or fear of the unknown may have caused her to do what she did. While none of this is an excuse, her response would, however, give you an insight into her person as well as her disposition to life.
In addition, it will help you to evaluate the depth of her feelings for you as well know the area to concentrate on in the relationship especially if you decide to continue.
One of the major challenges for her may come from the imbalance in your educations. Therefore, if your desire is to have her as your mate, encourage her to go back to school to help her get over the suspicion or complex that you will never find her worthy of you due to her limited education. You may not think it is a problem at all, but for a woman who has a complex problem, whose mind is always making up stories about the man, she will always find reasons to either nag or misbehave on account of what she suspects to be true.
While the argument may subsist that a suspicious mind will never be appeased by anything, sometimes, engaging that person in a more productive venture does manage it to a large extent. There are several part-time programmes she can enroll for.
However, if her reason has to do with money, then you have to be careful to avoid being hurt later in life. For such a woman who puts money on the front burner, nothing will ever be enough to appease her greed for money. If you discover her reason for dating the other man has to do with money, be careful because there are no guarantees that she will stay faithful to you in future, since there is always someone with more money in sight.
With such a woman, love isn’t always enough to keep her happy, so don’t defer a decision you have to make now to the future.
In situations like this, it is always best to resign yourself to the plans of God for you. There is no way both of you can be together if God has decreed otherwise, but if He planned for you two to end up as an item, He would help both of you overcome this challenge.
Good luck.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment