Dear Agatha,
You are doing a great job. Keep it up. I am a boy of 17, who finished secondary education last year. I am waiting for admission into the university. I am in love with a girl who is 20. She loves me too and we have been in a relationship for about four months. We have limits in our relationship and we understand ourselves. My parents don’t know about it, although her mother and her sisters were in the know.
Being in a relationship at this stage, is it good, although we promised no kisses and sex? What can I do to make our relationship great and stand the test of time?
Confused Teenager.
Dear Confused Teenager,
You are 17 while she is 20. Can both of you withstand this imbalance in your ages? After a while can you endure the talks by friends, the jokes about you dating an older girl?
Your age is the age of careless freedom, to say and do things first without the adult restraint of thinking before acting.
While you think you can cope with it now, you will soon find out that the challenges of your age would be the major obstacle both of you would have to face as you progress in this relationship.
Both your sets of friends would do everything to ensure you both go your different ways. Just like your friends would mock you, her friends will never allow her the freedom and space to explore this relationship, because you are three years younger than her. And girls particularly at your ages are expected to date older boys, not younger ones.
Her friends would see your intrusion into their circle as not only insulting, but ridiculous especially as she has the choice of dating dashing and eligible men at her age.
This is one challenge both of you have to address as urgently as possible. Again, do you especially have the understanding of what you are letting yourself into? At 17, dating an older girl shouldn’t be as much priority as you passing your examinations in flying colours and getting admission into a higher school.
At your age, your concern for now is how to unlock the advantages and bright opportunities the future holds. While it is true, she may have told her mother and sister about you, it still doesn’t mean lack of challenges for both of you.
At 20, she is not only physically more matured than you, but also emotionally more alert as well. Very soon, she would begin to want different things from you. She would want to settle down and begin a family of her own, whereas you still have very far to go. For one, you haven’t gotten admission into a university yet, and when you do, you still have to finish your education, go for National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) before thinking of getting a job. You will also need time to prepare before you are ready to settle.
The best you two can be is to remain good friends. Be good to your promises of no kisses or sex. This way, when the time for both of you to say goodbye and move on with other people, it won’t be with regrets. As friends you owe it to each other to be loyal, honest, supportive, selfless, patience, caring and understanding. A loyal friend is worth more than all the gold put together. Be happy to be the friend she needs when life storms come raging.
Good luck.
You are doing a great job. Keep it up. I am a boy of 17, who finished secondary education last year. I am waiting for admission into the university. I am in love with a girl who is 20. She loves me too and we have been in a relationship for about four months. We have limits in our relationship and we understand ourselves. My parents don’t know about it, although her mother and her sisters were in the know.
Being in a relationship at this stage, is it good, although we promised no kisses and sex? What can I do to make our relationship great and stand the test of time?
Confused Teenager.
Dear Confused Teenager,
You are 17 while she is 20. Can both of you withstand this imbalance in your ages? After a while can you endure the talks by friends, the jokes about you dating an older girl?
Your age is the age of careless freedom, to say and do things first without the adult restraint of thinking before acting.
While you think you can cope with it now, you will soon find out that the challenges of your age would be the major obstacle both of you would have to face as you progress in this relationship.
Both your sets of friends would do everything to ensure you both go your different ways. Just like your friends would mock you, her friends will never allow her the freedom and space to explore this relationship, because you are three years younger than her. And girls particularly at your ages are expected to date older boys, not younger ones.
Her friends would see your intrusion into their circle as not only insulting, but ridiculous especially as she has the choice of dating dashing and eligible men at her age.
This is one challenge both of you have to address as urgently as possible. Again, do you especially have the understanding of what you are letting yourself into? At 17, dating an older girl shouldn’t be as much priority as you passing your examinations in flying colours and getting admission into a higher school.
At your age, your concern for now is how to unlock the advantages and bright opportunities the future holds. While it is true, she may have told her mother and sister about you, it still doesn’t mean lack of challenges for both of you.
At 20, she is not only physically more matured than you, but also emotionally more alert as well. Very soon, she would begin to want different things from you. She would want to settle down and begin a family of her own, whereas you still have very far to go. For one, you haven’t gotten admission into a university yet, and when you do, you still have to finish your education, go for National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) before thinking of getting a job. You will also need time to prepare before you are ready to settle.
The best you two can be is to remain good friends. Be good to your promises of no kisses or sex. This way, when the time for both of you to say goodbye and move on with other people, it won’t be with regrets. As friends you owe it to each other to be loyal, honest, supportive, selfless, patience, caring and understanding. A loyal friend is worth more than all the gold put together. Be happy to be the friend she needs when life storms come raging.
Good luck.
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