Memory Of Serial Sexual Abuses Haunt Me

Dear Agatha,

I am 16 years of age and have been suffered serial sexual abuses. My parents are unaware of these abuses. The only person in the family who is in the know is my cousin.

I have been able to put this ugly past behind me until I was almost raped by my friend. I don’t know what to do. I feel like hurting any man I met to avenge what men have done to me irrespective of who they are or feel for me. I feel so terrible. Please help me.

Confused Girl.

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Dear Confused Girl,

At 16 you are far too young to have tasted what you have gone through as well as harbour this amount of hatred and negative feelings inside of you.

I am worried because these experiences if not properly handled will destroy you as the years roll by. That you have made up your mind to even the score show the presence of a psychological trauma. You need urgently to talk to someone, to hold the child that has been lost inside of you, a voice to give you hope and help you look at life and men from a different perspective.

It is unfortunate that your parents are unaware of what is happening to you and the lack of someone within the family whose shoulders and ears you need the most now to survive this dangerous phase of your life.

If there is any way you can come to our office, please don’t hesitate to come so we can have a mother and daughter discussion. So, many questions are hanging from your letter. In the first instance, who are these men or man that violated you? How did it all start? Where were you first abused? Can you remember how it all happened and the feelings you felt afterwards? Are these men still present in your life? In what ways do you think your parents are responsible? Do you think they could have done anything to prevent it or their attitude contributed to this situation in your life? Do you consider yourself responsible for all these, blame yourself that you are doing something wrong or think men are all brutes?

These are questions you must have to answer to be able to put the situation behind you. Your friend’s attitude only brought back an issue that has not really died in your heart. What you have done is simply to lock away the problem, not to surf through it with a view of trashing the dustbin.

You need, through the help of others, to come to terms with what happened to you. The essence is to help you examine things to avoid now and later in life, the tell tale signs of when a man has more than a passing interest in your body as well as the mannerism men put up when they are on excessive and uncontrollable heat.

At what point did this friend of yours attempt raping you? Where were both of you and how much of a friend has he been?

Like I said, it is important you and I talk. If you are not in Lagos, send me a text so I can call you.

In the meantime, don’t put yourself in any compromising position or situation that would give any man the power to influence you for his selfish end. This means avoid being alone with a man in a secluded place.

The bad thing about revenge missions like this is the self-destruction that takes place at the end of the day. Being a woman, you will be the one to suffer the most, not the men who would gladly have your body. The consequences aren’t usually as severe on them except when they come down with sexually transmitted diseases.

It is the woman’s biological functions nature that has the higher risk factors.

For the sake of the future you hope to have some day with that real man who despite your past would love and cherish you.

God will see you through.

Good luck.