Help, I’m Inactive In Bed

Dear Agatha,

I am an ardent reader of your column in the ‘Daily Independent.’ I must commend you for your incisive answers to readers’ questions. I am in my late 20s and just married. Once I am with my wife on bed, my manhood shrinks after a few minutes of erection even without having sex. Why is it so? Secondly, I find it difficult going for second round of sex.

I am understandably worried about this. Please what do you think can be responsible for this and what can I do? Kindly assist me as this is threatening my marriage, because I am afraid that my wife will seek satisfaction elsewhere.

Adeyemo.

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Dear Adeyemo,

Did you engage in sexual activities before you got married? If yes, have you always been like this? Did you ever suffer any injury whether as a young child or an adult? Were you ever a victim of emotional sexual abuse from a woman who mocked your performance? What are your growing views on sex? Did you grow up in a home where sex was taught as dirty, something a couple does when they plan to have a baby only and that couples who engaged in it any other time were hell bound? Or is your wife your first experience of sex in life?

These are some of the reasons you could be having problems.

The best place to begin is to go and see your doctor to eliminate any medical reason. Once that is done and you are certified medically fit, look at other possibilities that might be responsible.

However, the important thing is to change your overall orientation to the issue of lovemaking. There is world of difference between having sex and making love.

To get the best deal, involve your wife from the beginning by discussing the problem you are having with her. Though it is obvious, don’t assume she should know, get her to have an opinion as well as make a contributions on how both of you can get round the problem. The mistake most men make is to assume that their sexual problem is theirs alone. This is why most women seek solutions elsewhere.

Being married has made the problem a joint one. Hear her out as well as her suggestions. Both of you could agree on heavy dose of romance; you will be surprised at the power and influence of touch in the final result. No man can know how to please a woman more than herself. She knows how she wants to be made love to, asking her would help you know how and this in turn will stop her from going out as well as help you recover beautifully well from whatever may be the cause of your limitations.

Allow her take the lead does wonders too because it means she is free to invent as well as invest herself in the act leaving you to enjoy the experience.

This is one thing you must never do alone. You need her to help you overcome, so bury your male pride and suspicions and ask for her help. Remember, in marriage, both of you are free of the burden of guilt at indulging in an act God Himself designed to help make marriage worth all the risks.

Good luck.