My Skirt Hangs Between Two Loving Guys

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for the good job you are doing.

I am 22 years of age, in a polytechnic. I am currently dating two men; one is 26 while the other is 30 years old.

I have being dating the latter since I finished my secondary school in 2006. I met the former guy when I gained admission into the polytechnic.

Agatha, the major challenge I have now is how to know who among the two of them are very caring.

However, the major problem I have with the latter who is 30 has to do with his educational qualification. He is a trader and sponsors my education.

The 26-year-old guy, though currently unemployed also cares for me but is always demanding for sex as against the other who has only asked once since we started dating in 2006.

Please help me, because I am confused.

Temitope.

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Dear Temitope,

Your problem is you. There is no way you can eat and still have your cake. Deep down you know who between these men that really care for you, the one who is ready to do anything for your happiness just as you know who isn’t really interested in you but want you for the pleasures of your body.

The issue is that you are not ready to go with the one who loves you but prefer the one who doesn’t. This is because you now feel superior to the one who truly has your interest at heart. The truth is that while you aren’t ashamed to use his money to improve your lot in life, you are now ashamed of him because of the advantage his sponsorship of your education has offered.

The new guy represents your new image, that of an educated young woman who has the empowerment of education. To you now, this other man represents your past, a past you no longer want to identify with.

Unfortunately, that past is your heritage because whatever you are now is the sacrifice of the past. Granted you have the right to your life but it would be most unfair for you to ditch this guy after the sacrifice he has undertaken on your behalf. Deep down, do you think the 26-year-old guy would have looked your way if this other man hadn’t polished you up to your present level?

Deep down in your raw form, would this man have looked your way twice? It takes more than feelings to be happy in life. Only the man who doesn’t mind the ugliness and imperfections of a woman in her natural form is the one who really cares about her and not the one who sees her perfect finished image.

The older man saw you when you were nobody, had no future, raw in every form yet generated the interest to sponsor your education. Not that he won’t survive the emotional pains if you leave him now but the truth is that he would not find the type of peace, support, love and care you found with him in any other man? What he has done for you couldn’t have been without caution from friends who from time to time must have sounded the alarm of you leaving him at graduation.

That he ignored them to continue to support you to be happy is more than enough for a sensible woman to know that this type of love is unconditional more so since he is also willing to wait for the pleasures of your body. If since meeting you he has only demanded it once, also underlines the fact that this man has tremendous respect for you and his primary desire for you is to be happy.

Although you reserve the final right to your decision, I caution against allowing the brightness of the fake light blind you to the reality of the situation you are in. A man, who takes pleasure often in your body, cannot mean well for you. Who among them do you think would stand by you should the unexpected happens?

Your older boyfriend maybe a trader, but has demonstrated his ability to care and help you grow.

And if his status bothers you so much, true love demands you make suggestions as to how he can improve himself. Besides, it isn’t the quality of certificate a man or woman parades that make them successful partners rather, it is the person whom he or she is.

Make your choice with the fear of God as well as all the honesty the situation deserves.

Good luck.