Dear Agatha,
Please help me because loneliness is closing in on me. I need a girl of my own. At 23, I have never dated a woman. Each time I express my feelings to a girl, she either tells me she is in relationship or not interested.
I am currently a medical student. Without being immodest, I am handsome, kind, honest, gentle and God fearing. It isn’t as if I am shy or don’t know what to say but I am perplexed at the attitude of all the ladies I have approached for a relationship. It isn’t as if I have a social problem of body or mouth odour. So what is wrong?
O.B.
Dear O.B.,
What you think are the right words, may actually be the wrong things, to tell a woman you are meeting for the first time. Most women don’t appreciate being told by a man that he loves her on the first day of meeting.
It sounds insulting and completely insincere. The first question that pops up in her mind is what do you know about me to warrant your falling in love with me? In the mind of a woman, that statement translates to I want your body.
Granted, women are crafted by God to look appealing, but behind those attracted lines are brain and feelings. Not a woman likes to be placed on a slaughter slab on the first day of meeting. She wants to be appreciated for who she is and not how she looks. This explains why a lot of promising relationships are stillborn, thwarted by the man’s insensitivity to the woman’s feelings and sense of self-respect.
Most men would find it easier dealing with women if they stick to offer of friendship from the beginning. It takes more than the attraction of a man to bring about a relationship. It involves the two of them hence men should learn to treat relationship with more seriousness than most men currently do. A woman’s feeling isn’t a tap that can be turned on and off at the instance of a man.
Whereas, giving her time to know who the man is, as well as explore her feelings too, towards him through friendship, offers a sincere and realistic platform for both of them to move further.
Sit back and try to review the common trends in your approaches. Do you put the cart before the horse or the horse before the cart?
When next you see a woman, strive for friendship, appreciate that she is a human being who has feelings too. Get to know her first before telling her of your interest. Remember, she isn’t an abstract but a woman who has blood and water flowing in her veins hence must be treated with every respect she deserves.
Get to know the person behind the image before offering her love.
Good luck.
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