Dear Agatha,
There is this issue eating me up but don’t know how to resolve it.
There is this man who has been my friend for over a year. Over the months, he has shown signs of his desire to be more than a friend even though he hasn’t said anything to that effect.
I also started developing something deeper for him so I sent him a text message stating my feelings for him.
He called me back to inform me that we need to talk, but my fear is that I don’t know if what I did is right. I don’t want any thing that will destroy my image.
Worried Lady.
Dear Worried Lady,
You haven’t done any thing wrong or to be ashamed of. If this man decides to interpret what you have done as being cheap and indecent then he is not worthy of you.
Life generally is about risk taking. Rather than die in silence or regret your actions later down the years like most women and men do, you took the important step of securing your happiness. It is called being bold and honest. Besides, you are both friends.
However, there is the need for you before your meeting to have proper definition of what you feel. What exactly do you feel for this man? Aren’t you mistaking your feeling of friendship for him to be love? This is very important because if what you feel for him weren’t the real thing, it would destroy the foundation of friendship you have both built together.
The only mistake you did was not to have thoroughly subjected your feelings for him to proper analysis before sending him that text. Often than not those in your kind of situation unknowingly mistake the chemical of friendship for love, and putting a temporary distance between the two of you is the only way to be sure you are not mistaking one kind of feeling for the other. Granted, friendship is the prime property in a viable love relationship, but it needs the chemical of love to bond properly. This has nothing to do with mere sexual feeling, but that kind of feeling that differentiates pure sexual attraction from enduring ones that can withstand the text of time. A man and woman can be friends without having the right kind of feelings to stay together.
To be sure you know what you want, take some few days away from him to enable you think clearly. Some of the issues you should consider are: would you have found him attractive enough to fall in love with if meeting him for the first time? What are those extra qualities that are making you to consider spending the rest of your life with him? Would you feel a sense of bereavement or loss if it doesn’t work out between the two of you? If what you would feel is a sense of absoluteness, then it is worth your venture, but if temporary it might fall short of the effort.
When you both meet to talk, let him have the first go at the dialogue session. Listen attentively to what he has to say and look out for signs, especially if he accepts your proposals. Make sure it is because he feels the same way about you and not because he feels an obligation to you.
Overall, learn to be happy with whom you are and never give any person the opportunity to doubt your integrity. It is only when you give people the opportunity to call you names or question your integrity that you end up with credibility crisis.
Good luck.
There is this issue eating me up but don’t know how to resolve it.
There is this man who has been my friend for over a year. Over the months, he has shown signs of his desire to be more than a friend even though he hasn’t said anything to that effect.
I also started developing something deeper for him so I sent him a text message stating my feelings for him.
He called me back to inform me that we need to talk, but my fear is that I don’t know if what I did is right. I don’t want any thing that will destroy my image.
Worried Lady.
Dear Worried Lady,
You haven’t done any thing wrong or to be ashamed of. If this man decides to interpret what you have done as being cheap and indecent then he is not worthy of you.
Life generally is about risk taking. Rather than die in silence or regret your actions later down the years like most women and men do, you took the important step of securing your happiness. It is called being bold and honest. Besides, you are both friends.
However, there is the need for you before your meeting to have proper definition of what you feel. What exactly do you feel for this man? Aren’t you mistaking your feeling of friendship for him to be love? This is very important because if what you feel for him weren’t the real thing, it would destroy the foundation of friendship you have both built together.
The only mistake you did was not to have thoroughly subjected your feelings for him to proper analysis before sending him that text. Often than not those in your kind of situation unknowingly mistake the chemical of friendship for love, and putting a temporary distance between the two of you is the only way to be sure you are not mistaking one kind of feeling for the other. Granted, friendship is the prime property in a viable love relationship, but it needs the chemical of love to bond properly. This has nothing to do with mere sexual feeling, but that kind of feeling that differentiates pure sexual attraction from enduring ones that can withstand the text of time. A man and woman can be friends without having the right kind of feelings to stay together.
To be sure you know what you want, take some few days away from him to enable you think clearly. Some of the issues you should consider are: would you have found him attractive enough to fall in love with if meeting him for the first time? What are those extra qualities that are making you to consider spending the rest of your life with him? Would you feel a sense of bereavement or loss if it doesn’t work out between the two of you? If what you would feel is a sense of absoluteness, then it is worth your venture, but if temporary it might fall short of the effort.
When you both meet to talk, let him have the first go at the dialogue session. Listen attentively to what he has to say and look out for signs, especially if he accepts your proposals. Make sure it is because he feels the same way about you and not because he feels an obligation to you.
Overall, learn to be happy with whom you are and never give any person the opportunity to doubt your integrity. It is only when you give people the opportunity to call you names or question your integrity that you end up with credibility crisis.
Good luck.
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