How Can I Groom Her Feelings Beyond Mere Pal?

Dear Agatha,

There is this girl I met when I went to tutor at one of the coaching centres in Ado-Ekiti.

I couldn’t talk to her then because of my schedule. I had to combine the coaching job with my study. Unfortunately she left before I could make my intentions known only for her to surface in my school as one of the new students.

Since the coaching centre had already provided us with a previous meeting point, we instantly became friends until the day I told her of my feelings for her.

She turned me down insisting she only needed me as a friend in her life, nothing more. She added a little blackmail that if I really cared about her as I professed, I would allow the relationship run normal.

But my worry, being a product of a strict Christian home, she may never consider my request. What should I do to win her love because I really love her?

Friday.

---

Dear Friday,

Patience and sincerity! Her final disposition towards you would come from your own attitude and understanding of what you really want from her.

Unlike the majority of girls that would be convinced to a date with you on account of your words alone, this one needs evidence of your sincerity as well as willingness to do things right.

So, you simply have to do as she says: be a good friend of hers until the trust to take the relationship to the next level is actualised.

Being from a strict Christian home, she has been inculcated with some moral values, which she must keep, and she has come to expect same thing in people especially the man she hopes to spend the rest of her life with.

There is no way she would agree to anything on face value due to this orientation. Granted that some of these ideas may sound too rigid at first but overtime, you would come to realise that they are not as overbearing, if remains the only way to get the woman you love.

What she is teaching you is to be patient and focused. She is through her attitude teaching you one of the prime lessons of life, developing the determination to follow your dream with a vision.

With every determination comes a discipline.

You can win her love by giving her unconditional support to be who she wants to be.

By giving her support in her study, and be there for her whenever she needs a shoulder to lean on, will eventually convince her that you are to be trusted. And would also put you on top of her list when she is ready to fall in love.

She has to be convinced that unlike most men your age, your interest is not in her body but her person. Whatever her parents must have told her, she needs concrete evidences that she can take you home to them and stand by the decisions she has made with the full conviction that she made a reasonable choice.

Waiting for her to be ready means you also want her for the right reason.

This means you have the opportunity to think about what you really want from her. A lot of time, we go into relationships for the wrong reasons. You may think you like her enough now but over time may discover that whatever you thought you had for her wasn’t so fantastic to make you want to keep her permanently in your life.

Becoming her friend enables you to observe her without the complications young persons usually have to deal with in their relationships these days. Once a dating couple is able to eliminate premarital sex, it gives them the chance to objectively examine the flaws and strength of their characters.

Once you and this lady are able to achieve an understanding occasioned by true friendship, if you both eventually find yourselves in a relationship, you won’t have any of the problems young couples have and even when you have any need to disagree, you will have the friendship to effortlessly overcome such differences without causing a major quake in your relationship.

Importantly you must learn to respect her views on issues that are important to her. You may not always agree with her but let her know you respect her and you are a responsible person to be with, would convince her of your love.

Good luck.