Dear Agatha,
I have got a problem with my boyfriend who lives in the same compound as me. For a long time, he pressured me into dating him. Eventually I agreed to a relationship with him leading to his deflowering me.
There is this particular lady who comes to visit him but he told me she is simply a friend but she stays up to one week when she visits.
This development is hurting me more than I ever imagined because I love him so much. As things are now between us, I don't know what to do; whether to leave him or continue to endure the situation. Please help me!
Hurting Heart.
Dear Hurting Heart,
You took a gamble at love and lost it. This man has no intention of leaving the other lady for you. If he had, he wouldn't encourage the other lady to come visit him, let alone stay for several days in his house. That he sees nothing wrong in harbouring the other lady in his apartment for all to see, underscores his feelings for you or how much you are hurt by the development.
A man who doesn't care how his actions hurt you or what you feel isn't worth investing your love on. He would only end up hurting you the more.
You obviously didn't investigate him very well or simply took his words of love on the literary level. Besides, being in the same compound should have given you a notion about him, had you listened to the voice of reasons. Since there is no way you can lie about not knowing another woman exists in his life. This lady is certainly not a recent development. From the grounds she has covered, it is crystal clear she existed before you, something you knew about because you share the same compound.
If you want to be truthful, you thought giving him your virginity would give you the ace over this lady; edge her out for you to come in. I agree you may truly be in love with him but I doubts if the feeling is reciprocal.
Frankly, you would have had reasons to fight because the choice to sleep with him or not was one you made of your own freewill. You had the option of declining his pressure like some girls do but you offered him yourself because you wanted, you cannot hold him to it or expect it to make the difference in the way he feels about you or the other woman, for that matter.
If you are honest enough to examine your motive for granting him access into your body, you would realise that he didn't take what you didn't offer him neither did he have to get you to compromise your womanhood on false promises. You did mean it as a bride, a form of pressure to make him do your bidding. Not every man is scrupulous enough to resist such temptation. The majority of men would jump at such an offer with joy, not because they intend it to cause pains but because men are hunters by nature. They have nothing to protect whereas the woman has everything to lose, hence woman protects all. If there is an underlining lesson here, it is not to attempt to bribe your way to a man's heart with your body. It is the woman that ends up the victim.
I appreciate that you are hurting so much but the best you can do for yourself now is to allow him and his other woman be. While we can lie to others, it is only the foolish mind that lies to him or herself.
Move on. Like I said earlier, you took a gamble which didn't work out. It takes more than virginity to keep a relationship well-oiled. Staying on would only demean you the more. When the right man comes, you won't labour to keep him interested in you.
Good luck.
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