Thursday, December 11, 2008

She’s Afraid To Visit Me At Home…


Dear Agatha,

I am 20 years of age while my girlfriend is 17. We have been dating for two years now. But the problem is that she has continued to resist my invitation that she visits me at home. Recently, I invited her to accompany me to visit my parents in the village since I desire to see them, again she refused.

Her attitude is hurting me in more ways than she knows. This is because I love her very much. I am seriously reconsidering my relationship with her, to the point of wanting to terminate it because I no longer derive joy from the relationship.

But what I feel for her is too deep to forget easily.

I am so confused. Please help me.

Max.


 

Dear Max,

What do you want to discuss with her in the confines of your home that cannot be done in the open? Why do you need her to visit you before you can convince yourself of her feelings for you or yours for her?

At 17, she is too young. Any mistake she makes now would not only stall her present but also change the patterns of her future. Going out with you at her age is even a risk. Going to your house on a visit would not only be unwise but foolishness you should both avoid in the interest of your future.

No matter how well intentioned the visit starts out to be, the chemistry between a man and woman is too strong to be tempted. There is no way temptation would not set in, you would not desire to kiss or touch her in those places you dare not when you have an audience. Both of you may not have the intention of making love at first but without knowing how things got out of hand, you would definitely want to end what an innocent kiss started.

It is the way of men and women, even those who are experienced in the game of self-control fall easily into this temptation when the indices are right.

If you love this girl and desire progress for her, you won’t be thinking of quitting the relationship on account of her refusal to oblige your request for a visit to your house. What do you need her for in your house? Is it to talk, or your invitation intended to mask your true intentions? If it were just to talk, it should bother you so much if keeps refusing to come. But your intention to end the relationship shows that it is something deeper, the very thing the lady is trying to avoid.

Relationship building involves more than two people exchanging visits. It is all about sacrifices and having a focus for one another in life.

At 17 and 20 years of ages, you both cannot afford to face or deal with implications of premature sex. Having sex is about the simplest thing in the world but with it comes so many life changing implications. It is wrapped with challenges, responsibilities that out-live the major actors as well as life-changing implications.

Are you in particular ready for the consequences of having sex with a woman? The babies, the care and liability enveloped into having a baby?

Do you know the cost to her or you for that matter? Are you prepared to fend for mother and child? Are you ready psychologically for the task? At your age, it isn’t just about the baby but that of you and your girlfriend being ready for parenthood. What do you understand by being a parent? What do you know about the struggles, choices, sacrifices, emotional trauma, stress as well as all the in-descriptive in between emotional feelings that go with parenting a child? Do you have the wisdom and maturity to mentor a new life?

What about the quality of your feelings later? Can you sustain the feelings through thick and thin? Would you still feel the same thing for each other in later years when the challenges of the adult world catch up with both of you?

How much time have you taken out to study her character as a woman? Do you know what keeps her going? Do you have the understanding to cope with the changes that come with each year in our characters? These are things you must concern yourself with before inviting a woman into your house because if anything happens from the visit, you would have no choice but to live with the effects of the choice you made.

This is the major challenge that comes with sex. Although encapsulated in sweet tasting coating, the inside is a complexity only the brave minded of all men dare to challenge. Even those with years of intensive experiences are sometimes intimidated with all the huge bills and stress that come from something as simple as having sex with a woman.

Nothing in the beginning of the journey ever prepares one for the attached headaches. But if you are wise, look around you for those that have made the mistake and you will be glad to know that your girlfriend is who is wise.

Trust me you are not prepared for the challenge. That you are old enough to know what the anatomy of a woman is, isn’t the same as the maturity to deal with the responsibility thereof.

Forget your own desires now. Do what you have to ensure you give yourselves the needed opportunity to grow naturally into your roles in future.

Your future would be better if you properly allocate this time to concentrating on your studies, focusing on putting viable structures into place because there is no better time as now. The strength and opportunities you have now would never again come your way, not the freedom at least.

Sex would never go out of fashion so is a relationship. Allow her be. Don’t give up on her; instead, encourage her to continue to be decent by offering her your understanding, friendship as well as love.

These are the things she needs now, not visiting you at home. She needs to know you care, respect and concerned for her person. Whatever confidence she had going into a relationship with you at tender age of 15, is being eroded by your pressures on her. If you are not careful, you may lose one woman who would, in later years, become the best that has come your way.

The confusion you feel is your inability to have her where you want. Once you are able to get over that, you would be able to appreciate her better.

Good luck. 

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