Hard To Choose Between Jobless Graduate And Polished Banker

Dear Agatha,

I am dating two young men, one is a graduate and the other a banker, I have dated the graduate for five years now and the banker for two. The graduate has been demonstrating a lot of love to me due to the fact that he is currently unemployed.

I am currently planning on settling down but I am so confused because I don’t know whom among them to settle for. Please I am now a confused lady desperately looking for your support.

Nancy.

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Dear Nancy,

This is what you get when you are involved with two persons at the same time. A confusion of choice is created as well as the possibility of making the right choice. But in most cases, the way we should go is clear but we allow other unimportant considerations becloud our judgement.

If you were satisfied with the first man, why did you go into the second relationship? What were your motives as well as reasons? Is it because the first man is unemployed and has no money to give you?

Would you have considered dating him if he too were unemployed? What exactly do you feel for him? If your graduate boyfriend were employed and in a position to meet your financial needs would you still be confused about the right choice? Are you really confused about the right man for you or is it that you are confused because the one you want isn’t able to give you the comfort you desire?

You have made the first mistake by getting yourself involved with two men simultaneously, don’t make the second mistake of saying yes to the one you know you would never be happy with.

The fact that despite being in another relationship, you still find your boyfriend of five years a wonderful companion shows that deep down you know he has more in terms of happiness to offer you. Unfortunately, other considerations may not make you so objective about what you want from life and marriage.

However, there is a greater risk of you losing both of them if you don’t make the decision of whom you want on time. The reason isn’t far-fetched. Both of them have invested so much on you. The unemployed boyfriend sees in you the woman of his choice; the one he hopes to spend the rest of his life with, hence his devotion to you. What do you think would happen to him when he finds out that you aren’t as perfect as he hoped; that all the while he gave you his everything, you were also sharing your love and heart with another man?

Do you think he would ever be able to trust you again? Do you think if he leaves you, you would ever be able to find someone as devoting to you as he is?

What about your banker boyfriend who although may not have the luxury of time has also invested in you?

Trust is very fundamental to the success of a relationship. If you are unable to be faithful to either of these men now, can you stay faithful to a man? Can you tolerate enduring a situation of want and scarcity in your marriage? Remember, you have not prepared yourself for the experience so how do you propose to deal with such a situation should it arise later in your marriage?

The issue here is not just you wanting to settle down but that of knowing what marriage is all about as well as the many sacrifices that must be offered before it can begin to produce positive fruits.

So what you should do now is to look inwards at yourself, what you want and your knowledge of what the marriage institution is would go a long way in helping you arrive at a clear decision.

Good luck.