She left four years ago, now back begging

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, There is this lady I have been dating since 2004. Severally she has broken my heart and each time she comes back to beg for forgiveness I find a place in my heart to always forgive her. I was really in love with her. But what she did last broke the camel’s back. In 2007, without any explanation, she left me and went to Calabar where she spent four years. She came back this year and called me to take off where we stopped. I told her it was impossible since there was another lady in my life, a woman I love very much. Since then she has been calling me every day to demand I hear her out. I am really getting fed up and confused by this development. Please help me out. Confused Man. Dear Confused Man, From where I sit, I don’t see any problem at all, so why are you confused? Unless, you don’t know what you feel for your current girlfriend, aren’t sure you really are in love with her? You don’t have any business with your ex. You are confused because somewhere in your heart, a part of you still desires your ex; a situation if not properly handled could destroy your chance of moving your current relationship beyond its present level. You really have to take full charge of your emotions to avoid you losing the love and support of a woman who truly cares about you. Granted certain things in our past cannot be changed, but the present and the future give us the opportunity of re-navigating our lives to the channels that are best profiting for us. The real lessons in life aren’t the pains and disappointments we go through in life, but how well we manage them. More often than not we apply sentiments rather than good judgement in things we should be very practical about. Reality is, her time is past. She doesn’t owe you at all. It is very assuming on her part to ask you to take her back after four years of being away and no word from her. Whatever her reasons for going to Calabar in the first place, should ideally have been discussed by both of you and an understanding reached concerning your relationship before she left. The fact that she left without informing you is taking too many things for granted. Coming back four years after to demand you take her back is asking for too much. Even if you weren’t into another relationship, it still wouldn’t have made sense for you to take her back simply because she desired it. Relationship isn’t a tap you turn off and on at will. So many things other than sex go into the building of a relationship. One of such is mutual respect. A woman who doesn’t see anything wrong in multiple relationships is evidently lacking in respect for her man. Even if she feels she is the prettiest girl in town, the fact that she is in a relationship with you should make her sensitive to your feelings as a man. Frankly, she has gotten this far and bold because in a way you gave her the impression that you cannot do with her, that there is no offence or thing you cannot forgive. This is why she has the boldness to propose you allow her back into your life. The fact that you even consider it a challenge enough to ponder over it showcases you as a man lacking in principle. Deep down, something inside you still desire her, so stop lying to yourself and face the truth. A man, who is truly over a woman, will not even consider the presence of this kind of woman let alone worry over the absurdity of her desires. This is what she is capitalising on and the reason she is putting the pressure on you. This is the point you make the vital decision in your life as a man. While you reserve the right to take her back if she is the kind of woman you need in life, but be sure you are clear sighted about the implications of your decision, especially how it would affect your well being in your wrinkled and grey years. Don’t kid yourself about being able to change this kind of person. Her ways are too set for you or anyone to change unless the decision comes from her. Even though you don’t know what is actually happening to you, go to God for help. This other woman hasn’t done anything wrong. Her only offence now is falling in love with you while you still secretly carry a touch for your ex. Good luck.