My Ex Returns With Pregnancy

Dear Agatha,

After three years of us breaking up and going our different ways, my ex girlfriend and I ran into each other around June last year. I was just coming out of the relationship I went into when I broke up with her. She too was between boyfriends. One thing led to another and we made up with each other again. Around October, she suddenly left without telling me anything. I tried getting in touch with her but her phones weren’t going through.

After a while, I gave up on her and decided to move on with my life with the girl I broke up with who had also come to beg me.

Now, my former girlfriend is back with an almost eight months old pregnancy claiming I am responsible. She said she left when she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, but nothing she did worked.

She now decided to stay back with her maternal aunty who accepted to look after her and the pregnancy. She said she came to inform me of her state not because she wanted me to do anything I didn’t want to do but that it is fair for me to know I have a child somewhere.

To be frank, she is one woman that I have come to love dearly. I caused the problem the first time in our relationship. I was never sufficient with one woman, but now age is no longer on my side.

My current relationship is one I never intended to last this long. I stayed with her because I actually thought something good would come out of it but as each goes by, I am getting more convinced that she isn’t the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

But the thing is, how do I convince my former girlfriend that I am sorry and want her in my life? How do I tell her my life isn’t worth anything without her?

When I tried to explain to her the need for her to come back to me, she refused saying she can’t cope with my kind of person; that other women will never allow her to fully enjoy me as her husband. She said it was one of the reasons she tried to abort the pregnancy and keep away from me. Unknown to me, my present girlfriend had sent her a text message warning her to stay off me.

Agatha, please tell me how to win her back, convince her that I mean well and that with or without this baby she is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Tobias.

 

Dear Tobias,

There is no doubting the fact that from the way she has behaved so far, she is also in love with you, but very afraid of coming back to you given her past experiences with you.

You will also agree with me that there is no way she can decide whether to come back to you or not. The matter has gone out of her hands, given the sympathy and support her family, her aunty especially has demonstrated so far.

To come back to you without getting things properly sorted out will be putting the cart before the horse. Once bitten they say twice shy. There is no way she will ever take you seriously if you still have another woman who is busy sending warning texts to her to stay off you. To have her back in your life and give her all the assurances she needs now in her condition and thereafter, you must end your current relationship immediately. Seeing there is no other woman in your life who will give her some level of confidence to begin to think of you as more than a father of her unborn baby.

There is no way she can take you seriously while the other girl is around you especially going by your past history. She has told you the reason she isn’t overjoyed at coming back to you; fear of other women as well as the required peace to enjoy her man. 

What she actually needs from you is assurance that you will care and love her as well as have the benefit of your undivided attention.

Take the initiative of going to her aunty to meet with her, own up to the paternity of the unborn baby, thank her for her trust in her niece as well as the understanding she has shown since your girlfriend got pregnant.

Ensure you are a regular visitor to her aunty. When going, get someone, perhaps your mother to follow you to meet with her aunty.  Between them, they would eventually be able to convince her to come back to you.

It is also imperative you find a way of letting her know that you still would have wanted her for keeps even without the baby; that her being pregnant is just an added bonus. She has to know that more than anything else, she means so much to you.

Sincerely, a lot would depend on how well you are able to communicate the depth of your love to her through care and devotion.

Good luck. 

I Want My In-laws Out Of My Life

Dear Agatha,

May God continue to bless you with wisdom and understanding as you give many people heavenly advice. I have been meaning to write you for ages but didn’t know how to go about it.

I got married nearly 10 years ago. Unfortunately, I can’t claim my marriage is a happy one. I met my husband through a friend of his who lives abroad like me. My husband joined us later.

But for the grace of God, I would have left him within three months of him joining me here. Not long after we got married, I realised that my husband was no better than a 16-year-old boy. I had to practically play the role of a mother to him.

I also discovered he had lied about his age. When we met, he told me he was a year older than I am but found out when he was filling his segment of our marriage form at the registry that we were one month apart in age.

I was a bit angry at first but decided age had nothing to do with love.  I had to force him to get a job and completely refused to further his education, which would have helped his prospects here.  I noticed he was always showing attributes of someone living somebody else’s life.

Out of worry, I have severally called his parents separately to report the things I noticed in him to them but none of them in all these years seem to bother. His mother is always blaming it on laziness on the part of my husband. Even though I knew something was very wrong somewhere, I just didn’t know what it was but I just knew it was more of a spiritual problem.

Having lived with him for close to 10 years, I knew it wasn’t normal for a man to lack the will to do anything or have a plan for his family. We are both close to 40 years of age and I know for sure that he doesn’t drink excessively or cheat on me; but we are always fighting and don’t agree on any matter. This became more pronounced after our third child, which turned out to be a blessing for me.

Since marrying him, I have never enjoyed this marriage. Even when I am heavily pregnant, I still have to work otherwise the family would suffer from lack.

Initially, I thought his parents were the kind that simply do not care until I began to go into inexplicable debts. It was becoming too much for me and since I could not bear the burden of the whole situation any longer, a friend of mine then advised that I seek spiritual help. The woman of God I went to said I should go into three days fasting with prayers. I decided to add vigil and some deliverance psalms.

At the end of the exercise, I got some shocking revelations, which over 10 men of God in different locations gave the same meaning. My in-laws were responsible for my husband’s predicament. Being their first born, they had each traded with his star. His mother was said to have done it first while his father followed later.

They had also taken steps to make him unable to act even if he finds out the truth concerning what they had done. I was very pained in my spirit because I have done everything to please my husband and his family. Now passion runs deep. I developed a deep hatred for them and I am currently taking the prayers of these men of God to make my heart thaw towards him and even talk to him.

To say my parents-in-law disappointed me is putting the issue mildly. It is like a scene off the many Nigerian movies I have watched. My husband also eventually did his own investigation and found out that what I told him about his parents was the truth even though sometimes he doubts the ability of his parents to go that far.

I feel for him and myself because they have managed to drag us back from where we ought to be but I know now that God is in control because we are now very prayerful.

I don’t want to have anything to do with them again. What do you think I should do regarding this situation? They live in Nigeria and we live abroad. I am too saddened by this.

Concerned Woman.

 

Dear Concerned Woman,

God says in every situation we should learn to give Him all the glory. Be grateful to God that He pointed you at the right direction to go and for revealing the things done to you.

Had He not, what would you have done? Continue to grope in the dark? There are some people who have your kind of problems but are still struggling to know where they are coming from or those responsible. God may have decided to show you because of the state of your heart as well as your disposition to your in-laws. to now play god for the simple reason that God showed you where the arrow is coming from is to shut the doors of heavens against yourself.

Rather than change in attitude against them, continue to relate with them the way you have been doing. The battle isn’t yours to fight but that of God. Trust him completely with your life as well as your husband’s. He showed you those things not for you to take on the battle yourself but to help guide you aright.

Since you live abroad and your parents-in-law live in Nigeria, there is nothing to bring you and them together unless you decide to come home. So the issue of you avoiding them doesn’t arise since the distance between you and them has already done that. What you owe them is simply a phone call from time to time to ensure they are okay and when you can, send them whatever you can afford. The essence is simply to fulfil all righteousness because one day you would become a mother-in-law to somebody. Irrespective of whatever they did to their son, ensure you don’t pay them evil for evil because life has a way of reminding us at every critical time decisions we took in anger and haste. You wouldn’t want your daughter-in-law to deny you of your rights as your son’s mother, would you? No matter how much he hates his parents now, they remain his parents and one day would be forced by situation to reconcile with them but you may not be given that chance. So be careful how you dabble into this matter.

Rather than concentrate on seeking revenge from your parents-in-law on what they did to your husband, devote more time to ensuring your husband is completely free from the spiritual bondage he is in and which you have married into. If your husband is able to pull himself out of the spiritual bondage, life would be a lot easier on you. Not only would both of you stop fighting, you will be able to relax from engaging yourself in many strenuous job you are currently doing for the family to survive.

This should be more of your concern now and not what his parents did to him. Go into another series of prayers and fasting to ensure your husband is totally out of the woods. It isn’t too late for him to go back to school; encourage him to get a job that will help lessen the burden on you and buy him back his respect as the man of the house. I am sure part of the problem in your marriage has to do with the fact that you are the one bringing in most of the money. If he was also contributing, you won’t be too irritated by him or pick up quarrels with him at will. This is what happens when a woman is bringing in all the money while the man sits at home. You may not realise it, but you are becoming short-fussed due to the burdens on you.

Ring him with prayers and give him all the spiritual support you need to enjoy your marriage. This is what you need now more than anything else.

 

Good luck.