Having Gotten Hints On My Profile, She Goes Gaga

Dear Agatha,

You have been a blessing to me over the years, by offering very candid advice to troubled hearts on relationships.

I recently felt moved to speak to a sister, who has been attending the same church as I. Indeed, I have known her from afar off for a fairly long time now. We have been going out for sometime now, and on one occasion she admitted to me having everything she has always hoped for in a man.

Although I have tried my best to make her accept me for who I am, remind her of that statement, she remained unimpressed until a couple in the church, who know me outside the church told her about me and where I worked.

Since then, I noticed that her attitude towards me changed dramatically. I am confused because I do not want to become husband to a woman who is marrying me for my status or material things. I would have preferred she didn’t know my place of work until she had considered me on the right and enduring values.

Zip.

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Dear Zip,

Her knowing about your status has done no great harm. A lot now depends on your ability to extract from her disposition towards you, what is real and unreal about her.

Having detected traces of materialism in her, keep your eyes open for those characteristics, and that would properly highlight her person to you. Don’t rush things, take each day as it comes with her by, for now, playing down on your desire to marry her. Insist on doing things the right way by keeping to the creed friendship. Being friends would enable both of you gauge your strengths, determine your suitability for each other, point you at the things you have to play up in your relationship that will eventually help you make up your mind about her.

Also learn to be your natural self, don’t go out of your way to begin something you will not be able to continue in the name of trying to sustain a relationship. Anything you do for her must come from your mind and must never be an act of enticement, else you find yourself with the continuous problem of doing everything to satisfy her, even when it isn’t convenient for you.

Don’t make the mistake a lot of men do in their bid to keep a woman at all cost. When a man pretends to be what he isn’t or cannot afford to please a woman, he digs the grave of perpetual unhappiness. The woman will never understand the word lack or no sufficient funds for the simple reason that the man has always given her everything she requested for.

If you invest on the important things as well as ignoring sex between the two of you until your wedding night, you will be able to tell with some certainty if she is actually interested in your money or person.

Being a Christian, commit your affairs into the hands of God since He is the creator of relationships.

Good luck.

Before He Jumps Into Marriage Without Kit…

Dear Agatha,

The blessings of our Lord Jesus Christ will continue to give you wisdom, as you use it to touch the lives of the children of God.

I have this friend in Nigeria who, to the best of my knowledge, is currently unemployed and has a very pious nature. You can therefore imagine my surprise when he recently called to inform me of his decision to marry. Worried, I questioned him about his decision to marry at the age of 25 without a job and third level certificate.

Again, his answer threw up a deep worry inside of me. His reason for wanting to marry the girl, whom he doesn’t love, was because he deflowered her and is therefore feeling guilty.

According to him, he has asked this girl out, but found himself in this uncompromising situation when he went to her house and found her alone. He said he couldn’t explain what came over the girl, but before he knew what was happening, two of them were in bed. And that was how they both had sex for the first time.

Agatha, I know him to be a devout Christian, who had always nursed the ambition to be a catholic priest.

To be sincere to you, the same girl wanted to lure me into bed with her when I was about to travel to Europe last year in the same house because she lives with one of our best friends.

I am beginning to wonder if this girl is possessed by evil spirit. Now my friend is pushing for marriage with this girl without giving it any thought whatsoever. He doesn’t have a job and has only sat for aptitude test at University of Nigeria Nnsuka.

The parents are very poor though they have told him to go ahead with his decision. I have warned him that all those that promised him financial assistance may not be forthcoming when the going gets tough. Please I need your help because I wouldn't want him to enter into marriage without a job. Though I am not advising him to leave the girl since his conscience is disturbing him. But to stand first and discern whether the girl is for him really, as time goes on, the future will tell. By then he must have something doing that would help both of them if God wills their marriage.

Cone.

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Dear Cone,

You have done your bit as a friend. From experiences, it is always difficult to convince someone who has made up his or her mind about a decision he or she is determined to execute.

And the matters of the heart are the most difficult to advise people on. Your friend is determined to go ahead with his decision to marry this girl because he has convinced himself as the right thing to do. Whatever you feel at this point in time doesn’t matter to him as long as he is able to achieve his desire to be with this lady.

Irrespective of what your fears are, he seems an honourable and determined young man. These are qualities that would see him succeeding in anything he applies his mind on.

At this, don’t try to dissuade him against marrying this lady, but that of encouraging him to further his studies. Also advise him to get something to do to enable him meet the challenges of caring for his wife.

You can also help him by telling him to discuss the obvious challenges associated with marrying without a visible income with his wife to be. So doing would help clear to an extent any idealistic scale the lady in particular may have. She may not be really possessed as you think, but responding to the potency of the hormones inside of her. For some women, mismanagement of the sexual hormones could cause misbehaviour, cause them to act in a way many would suspect them to be under some spiritual influences.

As a young girl, who hasn’t slept with a man before, and who is desirous of doing so, the sexual aches of her body make everyman insight the ideal one for her. You were able to escape, but your friend fell into this trap that is as old as time itself.

This is why you must be careful on how you intervene because it could work out for both of them, while you risk becoming the enemy of a dear friend for refusing her advances and also trying to destroy her happiness through your friend. When two people are determined to be together, the wise thing is for a third party to stay away. She isn’t unaware of the situation of her husband and can’t be so naïve as not to know that a jobless man cannot meet her financial expectations. Even a child knows the effect of staying with parents that are jobless, not to talk of someone her age. If sex were her motive for going ahead with the marriage, she would soon find out that marriage doesn’t survive on sex alone. It takes more than a man and woman sleeping together to do that. Let experience teach them the lesson of life, that way, nobody would accuse you of being the stumbling block to their happiness. You have done the best a friend can do on this matter. It is high time you stopped trying to make him see things your way, learn to commit them to the hands of God instead. He is the only one capable of doing all things and making seemingly impossible situations possible.

If there is anything you can offer him, please do, to help him begin something to enable him pay his bills as a married man as well as improve on his lot in life.

It is the least you can do for him in current situation he has found himself.

Good luck.