To Him, Woman Only Takes Orders, Not More…

Dear Agatha, 

I thank God for creating your kind of person into this world. You are wonderful. Thanks and keep the good work up. I am confused, kindly help me. There is this guy I am currently going out with. He stays in Abuja while I reside in Port Harcourt. 

When I met him, he only told his name, state of origin as well as occupation, and nothing more.   Whenever I asked him questions about his family or anything about him, he becomes very angry so much so we would end the day with quarrel. 

But he demands to know everything about me, while I don’t know anything about him. He said it’s wrong for a lady to ask questions. Is it true? Am I not supposed to know the details about the person I’m going out with? Please help me. 
Worried Girl.

Dear Worried Girl, 

It isn’t true that a woman isn’t supposed to ask questions about her man. As a matter of fact it is the right of both man and woman to know about the nature and identity of the persons they are dating.

It is abnormal for him to get angry on account of you wanting to know more about him. He isn’t an image or transit visitor in your life. He is the person you are dating and possibly hoping to spend the rest of your life with. If he wants to know everything about you, why is he keeping information away from you?

As it stands now, you are dating an image of this man, because you know next to nothing about him. The information you have on him is nothing to go by at all. 

The next time you see him and makes demands on him to know more about him and he gets angry, let him understand that you cannot function or comfortable with the little information you have of him. Let him see your discomfort at the whole thing. If a man is secretive about what is common knowledge to his employers and acquaintances, what guarantees do you have that he would share more fundamental information about his life before meeting you or allow to share in his current life? 

At this point you really have nothing to lose, but so much more to gain by insisting on being treated right. It is either he opens up to you or there is no relationship. The danger of ignoring this warning sign is that he will never treat you with the respect you deserve, insist on you making all the sacrifices while he acts as the imperial master in a relationship that you are supposed to be the most important person to him. 

It is obvious he has an attitude problem, one that would prevent him from seeing you as a concomitant part of him. Much as the final decision lies with you the simple truth about all these is that, even if you have what it takes to endure all the emotional torture now, it would get to a point of resenting him and everything he represents as a result of his dictatorial attitude. 

Relationship is about two persons coming together in trust and respect. If he has any respect for you, he would learn to trust you with information about himself. Information is the first step towards the bonding of a man and woman. If you don’t have information about him, how would you be able to defend the stranger you are involved with? It is the amount of information you have of him that will reduce the distance of the two of you being complete strangers. 

My advice is for you to think twice before allowing this relationship to grow deeper than it is to prevent avoidable emotional aches, especially on your side. 

It is either he learns to treat you with the respect you deserve now or terminate the association.

Good luck. 

Dying For Her Younger Sister While She Pesters Me…

Dear Agatha,

There is this lady I have feelings for, though I’m yet to make my intentions known to her. But her elder sister clandestinely parades herself as my lover. She keeps on disturbing me with calls of affection. 

I have no feelings for her whatsoever, because in her younger sister I see everything I want in my woman and I want to express my feelings to her.

How do I stop this troublesome lady without offending the one I love? 

Ajai.

Dear Ajai, 

Since you intend dating the younger sister, be careful you don’t alienate and antagonise her too much. Don’t condemn her for falling in love with you. Like you, she has a right to fall in love. It is unfortunate that you aren’t in a position to return her feelings, but don’t make it appear as something that she should not feel, should not have happened at all. 

The body chemistry is something we don’t have control over. It chooses for us and not us choosing for it. One of the greatest problems you can cause for yourself and this young lady is to mock her for falling in love with you. Remember the old saying that hell has not fury as a woman’s scorn.  Ridiculing her feelings would pitch you against her, making it difficult for you to pursue anything with her younger sister who may, out of fear and solidarity for the family image, reject you for hurting her sister.

What you should therefore do is to be nice to her. Call her to appreciate her interest in you. Follow that by regrets at your inability to reciprocate her feelings for you as well as the explanations that you lack what it takes to give her the kind of happiness her kind of woman deserves. Also tell her she has the qualities that would make a man happy, and that you pray she finds the kind of man that has that special quality to bring out the best in her. 

To demonstrate your regrets, inform her of your desire to be just a friend to her, but for the time being, don’t allow her have any inkling about your interest in her younger sister. To do that would be to cause a major problem for all concerned. 

To help her get over you, use the opportunity of the truce between the two of you to pair her up with a friend of yours, who is really nice, single and caring. Someone you feel could develop something serious with her. The truth remains that you cannot afford to be nasty or haughty to her, not if you are really in love with her younger sister. 

The plain truth is that if you don’t take the time out to properly settle her emotional problems, you will not be able to get through to her sister. 

Because she met and declared her interest in you first, she would always claim to have first call on your time and emotions. So engaging her interest in a rewarding relationship is the only way to ensure her sister gets the freedom to fall in love with you too. 

You must do everything to get on her good side to be able to get through to her sister. 

And in your interest be sure what you feel for the younger sister is true love and not a lustful feeling to get into bed with her. If you are not sure, please don’t try getting onboard to prevent damage in the relationship of these two sisters. 

Good luck. 

No Man Talks Altar Deal Without Sex…

Dear Agatha,

I am 23 years old and still a virgin.  My problem is that all the men coming to propose marriage are all requesting to have sex with me, but I don’t want to until I am married. 

Please help me.

Good.    

Dear Good, 

The choice of what to do is yours. But it is imperative you keep your virginity, because doing so would not only honour your pride as a woman when you eventually marry, but allow you and your man focus on the important business of building a relationship.

Many a time, pre-marital sex shadows the important business of discovering your individualities, strengths and weaknesses as a couple. Issues that should have been properly trashed out, end up being given temporary amnesia by sex until it builds up to a point it can no longer be managed.  By that time, sex is no longer able to serve as a quality tool to bond. 

Any man who loves you would want to wait, respect your feelings, and refuse to give in for the sake of your happiness. 

Good luck.