Dear Agatha,
I am very depressed and worried about a development in my uncle’s home. I really do not want to end their marriage, but at the same time my conscience is killing me. My uncle loves his wife so much, yet she is not reciprocating it. I have been seeing so many incriminating texts on her phone. I admit I do not have any right or whatsoever to check her phone, but I had to do it because I came back one day and heard her talking to someone on phone, I was sure wasn’t her husband. Afterwards, I checked her phone and saw so many incriminating texts.
Here is a sample of the text from the mysterious man My baby, how is the entire body system with the pains, hope it has gone down? Make sure you cover well. Have you managed to eat? Make sure you eat. Bye, I love you.
Worried Girl.
Dear Worried Girl,
Whatever your reasons are, you don’t have any right to go through your uncle’s wife’s phone. It was wrong, rude and very disrespectful. Besides, it presents you as one out to cause trouble in the house because she can easily claim those messages were sent by you from another number to her phone to present her in a bad light.
She could conveniently use the fact of you going through her phone to buttress her point that you have the agenda of destroying her marriage. If she says this, it would be difficult for you to prove your innocence especially as she would have altered the other person to remove his sim card to make it difficult for it to be traced. So be careful what you tell your uncle else it won’t just be his home that will be affected but the entire family will suffer the consequences of you telling your uncle about his wife’s extramarital affairs.
Besides, she can easily delete the so-called evidences of the text messages you think you have. If she does this, you still end up being labelled one who is out to destroy the home of another woman. But on your own, you can confront her without your uncle knowing anything about it. By telling her that you are aware of her extra-marital affair, the secret phone calls when she thinks nobody is listening to her as well as her general attitude towards your uncle gives you reason to suspect her of cheating on your uncle.
This should be a woman-to-woman thing. If she threatens to blackmail you, tell her you have enough evidences to prove that she is having extra-martial affair. Call her bluff that you have the name of the man as well as the venue of their secret meeting. If you are convincing in your act, she might just believe you. Tell her that you won’t turn over the evidences to your uncle if she ends the affair. You can also phone the person who has the number to plead with him to allow your sister-in-law be. Threaten to inform your uncle about it if he doesn’t stop what he is doing with your aunty. The call will serve to inform your aunty that indeed you have all the information you claim to have and would either make her stop or end the marriage honourably if she can’t do without the other man in her life.
Sometimes what appears to be so right may end up being so bad at the end of the day. Marriage is a deep and mysterious partnership between two people, one that defies understanding most of the time to spectators of the marriage. You may be surprised that your uncle may have his suspicions but ready to continue to give her the benefit of doubt as a result of his love for her. If you can go through her phone, your uncle too may have seen all those incriminating text messages but pretend not to for the sake of peace in his life. He could just be waiting for someone to hold as telling him his wife is having an affair. You may not understand it but marriage is a secret pact between a man and woman, so be careful you don’t end up the victim of something the mystery of which you know nothing of. Besides, have you thought of the consequences of telling him the truth about his wife’s disloyalty? What if his hearts gives way or ends up with a terminal heart condition as a result of the news you are about to give him?
Besides, how would you feel if you are being fingered as the harbinger of a news item that broke your uncle’s home and life? This is one instance where silence is golden, where you have to apply wisdom as well as trust God to intervene. I appreciate your sense of injustice and anger but like I said, marriage is a complex thing that nobody outside it can categorically predict its direction. There are so many strange issues happening in most marriages capable of making outsiders recoil in anger but ones the couples involved are willing to put up with because of the bond of matrimony. The strength of the bond determines the solidity of a marriage’s shock absorbers. This is why some women look the other way when they have ample evidences that their husbands are cheating on them as well as some men.
Yes, it is wrong but when one is in love and determined to make it work against all odds, certain things take the back seat. The best you can do now is to vacate the home because the more you are exposed to the fact of her unfaithfulness, the greater the risk of you attempting to tell your uncle. Another thing you can do is to tell your mother or father, the one who is related to your uncle. Being siblings and experienced in matters like this, they would know how to handle the matter without you being the sacrificial lamb.
Above all, pray for your uncle and his marriage because this could really destroy him because not all men are wired to deal with unfaithful wives; some simply never recover from the shock of it.
Good luck.
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