Dear Agatha,
Please, I am very desperate and need your help urgently. I am in the worst kind of situations and don’t know how to go about it without losing everything as well as the support of the one person who matters the most to me.
Sometime last year, March to be précised, I found myself in a very uncompromising situation with my boss. One thing led to another and we ended up making love right there in his office.
Before my husband-to-be came on the scene, my boss and I were having an affair but stopped when I met my fiancé. To be very honest with you Agatha, if not for the fact that my boss was married with two children, we would have got married. Our feelings for each other runs very deep, a fact a lot his friends and mine are very much aware of.
I decided to marry my fiancé when I realised age wasn’t on my side. Difficult as the decision was, we both agreed it was the best. The mistake I made was in not disengaging from my employment.
But even if I wanted to, I needed the money to care for my family. My father was doing his best but it wasn’t just enough as my mother is one of those women who is hopeless at doing anything. She is one of those women satisfied with being a complete housewife.
Being the first of six children, I had no choice but to work to support my father who happens to be passionate about his children. Therefore, the money I was paid was very important not just for me but my entire family.
Because of the difficulties at home, I had done one or two things I am not proud of. Then I didn’t care about what people thought of me. I felt they had no right to judge me since they weren’t going through the things I was experiencing at home.
My father could enforce discipline as he would have loved to because not only was he always busy trying to make ends meet, the money I was bringing was also helping to reduce pressure on him, hence I grew a little too wild for my own good.
However, all that changed when my boss came into my life. He ensured I lacked nothing, hence I had no excuse to date several men at a time. He also gave me a huge some to settle my family in a good place and to open a shop close to the house where we sell foodstuff. My immediate younger brother manages that place in addition to going to school.
And when my fiancé almost refused to marry me because of my past, it was him who also came to my rescue. He told my boyfriend that what he heard were lies and also denied my ever being his girlfriend. To my fiancé, he is a family friend.
It was this sense of deep appreciation for the man who has done so much for me that made me sleep with him for the last time, a week to my wedding.
That same day I slept with fiancé. I didn’t think anything of it when I discovered I was pregnant or delivered my baby.
I also didn’t notice the baby’s striking semblance to my boss until my mother called me aside to ask whose baby my son is. I was very angry with her that I tongue lashed her. She didn’t say anything but told me quietly to make sure I kept the baby away from my boss.
My baby was a year old by December. My boss and his family were away on holidays. He, however, came with his eldest son to see us recently to wish the baby a happy birthday. When his son saw my baby, he commented on the semblance of the baby with his father and himself. Indeed when I looked at all three, there was no doubting the fact.
My mother-in-law who was present, heard and observed the whole incident must have told my husband whose attitude has not only changed towards me but also avoids carrying the baby. And last week, my worst fear was confirmed when he told me we would all be going to the hospital for some tests but providence intervened as he was called to go on a training programme outside the country for a month. Since leaving two days ago, he hasn’t called me expect to inform me through his mother that he got there safely.
Agatha, please help me because I didn’t deliberately foist this baby on him. There was no way I would have taken such a risk, considering the kind of challenges I passed through to get to this stage with him.
What should I do? Tell him about what happened? Would he ever forgive me of lying to him about my relationship with my boss and would that not confirm I also lied about my past life?
Worried Wife.
Dear Worried Wife,
It is useless crying over spilled milk. The harm has been done. You cannot turn back the hands of the clock. Therefore, you must brace up for the consequences of your thoughtless actions.
The confession of your past you refused to make before marrying your husband is what you are going to do now. Had you told him about your past life, this would have been easier for him to handle but getting pregnant for and having the baby of the man you presented as your family friend would make him wonder what other lies you have told him.
Don’t allow him face the embarrassment of being told by the doctor that this baby isn’t his. By then it would be too late for him to believe that you didn’t know about the paternity of the baby. Nothing would ever make him forgive you the offence of passing another man’s pregnancy off as his.
Even if his love is deep and sufficient enough for him to forgive you and accept the child as his, what about his mother? If she gets to know from the hospital that the baby isn’t her son’s, would she be able to forgive you as well?
Whatever the consequences that would follow your telling him the truth, please do not hesitate to tell him immediately he gets back from his course. You are already down, so why fear a fall?
Understandably, he would be devastated like you would be too if you were the one at the receiving end. Hearing your confession, fears as well as shame might make him have a change of mind in your favour.
At this critical stage there is nothing more to hide. Tell him the story of your life page by page, holding nothing back from him. Equip him with your personal data to make up his mind about you and if necessary, the space to properly think and make an objective choice.
Since the life of an innocent child is involved, you must help provide him alternatives. For instance, even if he is going to adopt the child as his, what about the biological father of the child? Is he aware that the baby is his? From your interactions with him, is he the kind that would some day in future damn all consequences and demand for his child? Does he love you enough to let the past be?
I ask these questions because whatever you and your husband decide to do would depend on his proposed line of action. For some men, when it comes to the issue of their children, they are very definite.
Even though you would at the end of the day suffer the most from the decisions the two men make, don’t interfere in this at all. Always put the interest of that child first because at the end of the day, that boy maybe all that you have left.
So, do what is right for all of you by also going to your boss to tell him of your suspicions about the paternity of the boy. Let him understand that your telling him is merely to inform him and not intended to cause problems in his home or yours. Assure him that even if your husband decides to end the marriage, you will still not bother him about up keep of the baby. This is important because he too may think you deliberately got pregnant for him to ensure you keep getting money from him later in life.
So, be careful what you do today. Learn from your past, that some issues have a way of showing up when least expected.
While you wait for him to come back, turn to God by first confessing your sins and begging him through prayers to grant you the wisdom and favour to sail through this with the most minimal emotional injuries.
Good luck.
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