She left after 10-year dating but…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

Reading through your column in the ‘Daily Independent’ Newspapers, I must confess you are really doing a good job.

I am 30 years old and have been in a relationship with a lady, though two years younger for the past ten years, until late last year when she walked up to me to inform me of her love for another man.

I was devastated by her announcement because l loved her so deeply. Amid tears she told me her parents don’t approve of our marriage plans because we are from different parts of the country. She is from the South East while I am from the South West.

Right now, I have secured a good job and in a fresh relationship with a new lady. She stood by me during those bad moments. I am really trying to love her the way she deserves to be loved but each time my ex calls me, my heart beats. I am quite disturbed. Please advise me.

SL.



Dear SL,

Her voice still has the power to bring about this feeling in you because you haven’t been able to stop loving her. Ten years is like a lifetime. For these years, she was the most important woman in your life. She held your heart and life in her hands.

And if those ten years were spent investing on growing and patenting your relationship to suit your uniqueness as a couple, of becoming the most important persons in each other’s lives, of being best of friends, it would take a while for you to be able to get over the disappointment of her leaving you.

It would be most difficult for you in particular because you didn’t envisage losing her to another man or packing up the relationship. And coming without warning or internal problems between the two of you makes the suddenness of it all more than you can cope with now.

No matter how much you try, it would take time for you to completely rid your memory of thoughts of her. Don’t try to force it, allow it die prematurely.

It might even take a lifetime especially if your relationship was of the premium kind, the type that grows better with each passing day.

This thing is to appeal for support and understanding from your new woman; understanding not to be jealous of yesterday’s memories as well as support, to overcome to a reasonable extent, the intensity of your feelings for her.

You must also make the effort too not to get into the dangerous habit of comparing her person or character with your former girlfriend. Learn to love her for who she is; give her the time and opportunity to make you happy and to carve her own niche in your life. This is important if you hope to spend the rest of your life together.

For now until you are able to control your feelings for her, avoid taking her calls. But let her know why you won’t be doing so for a while. If she truly loves you and wants you to be happy, she would respect your decision to stay away from her for a while.

Good luck.