Dear Agatha,
I am a mother of a 14-year old teenage boy.
This child was born out of wedlock when I was raped by a man who abandoned me to my fate. I was also rejected by my parents but the mother of the boy had no other choice than to accept me into her home.
She too was not kind to me either and she did everything she could to frustrate my life the more.
When the baby was born, it was the boy's mother who did the bathing of the child and all, but I noticed that whenever she was bathing the baby, she would exert so much pressure around the lower abdomen and the private part of the baby and keep pressing it so hard. Yes, I know that you massage a baby but not to the extent to which she was doing it and then with special interest around the lower abdomen and the private part of the baby.
The woman was already in her 60s with eight children of which six are males. So, there was no way one could feel she was inexperienced in handling such matters. I felt she was doing it to harm the baby because obviously, when the child was born, she was not happy and she would hardly touch the child. She kept her distance from me and the child even though we were living with her in the same house. Whenever the child cried, she would chase me far away saying that I should take my child away.
I have heard that such an act of tampering with such parts of the body was dangerous especially to the males and could lead to impotence and related complications of not being able to father any child in the future. But I was just too afraid to talk; I was too afraid to say a word to the woman because I was just sixteen years and was being subjected to series of brutality. She was ready to throw me out of the house at the slightest provocation, though I was eventually thrown out of the house at the end of the day.
Now the child is 14 years of age and his manhood is like that of a four-year old child. I know that some are naturally small sized but this appears to be out of the ordinary, besides, there is no link to the small size of his manhood traceable to either of his father's family or mine. I have never seen the child have an erection for once, I know that he is still a child but I have seen children his age having erection at certain times especially in the mornings when they are just waking up from sleep.
I am therefore very scared. I don't know if what the grand-mother did long ago is already playing out.
Please, I need to know whether there is anything that can be done at this early stage to correct the situation if my suspicion is correct.
Worried Mother.
Dear Worried Mother,
His inability to have an erection shows that something is wrong with his productive organ. His size is immaterial and doesn't account for his state of well-being. Like you pointed out, he should have experienced erection by now. As a matter of fact, teenage boys get erections recurrently and with no trouble, just by visualising about sexual encounter or a female is sufficient for stimulation. In fact, stiff trousers alone can be the basis of an erection with just nominal bodily stimulus of the genital region. This age of over-sexuality is generally because of testosterone hormone, the male hormone that rises during teenage years to its maximum height. However, this changes as the male grows older, his intensity and ability to achieve erection decreases because of the many challenges an older male faces. So, do the limits of dopamine, a neurotransmitter concerned with provocation and sexual stimulus.
Nevertheless, most fully developed males anticipate having the similar kind of erections all throughout their life. As males grow in age, it generally does not twirl out that way. A number of aspects have to be in position in order to achieve a regular, vigorous erection. The male has to be enthused and calm, but more often than not, they require the kind of extra hold up that is encouraged.
The issue is his inability to experience erection at all. A normal male child starts having erection from infancy. Did you not observe it when he was a baby? All baby boys have erection from cradle. Because the male organ is placed outside the body, it is often very easy to tell when a male child is having problems with his organ or is unable to achieve erection. At 14, he should experience erection first thing in the morning to signify everything is well with him. Therefore, his inability to have erection showcases that something is fundamentally wrong with his biology.
To be candid if he had never had an erection, your concern should have come earlier.
Be that as it may as his mother, you should ask him questions. You could be wrong; could be he is one of those secretive teenagers who hold things back from their parents. Being a boy, he may not be comfortable staying around you naked or sharing his thoughts and feelings with you but since you are becoming worried about him, begin a discussion about his maturity years with him. You may be a woman but let him know you understand all the changes he has to cope with biologically and psychologically. It is the only way you can make him open up to you and discuss his problems. Besides, it is the only way you can get first hand information to pass on to the doctor. It would look foolish of you if at the end of the day, your alarm turns out to be false.
This is because with teenage children, you cannot tell the truth or be too careful. Your being a woman may make him keep vital information from you, uneasy about discussing anything concern his sexuality with you. You must first earn his trust for him to be able to open up to you; for him to share his fears as well as hope with. The fact that he small sized is enough psychological problem for him; to add complete impotence to that is enough to kill this young mind so be careful what you tell him and how you handle the matter.
I appreciate it would be difficult a challenge for you to shoulder especially given the circumstance he was born, but you have to be strong for him. But you can only do this effectively if you know what you are up against.
If true he is not having an erection, don't frighten him by crying because the situation may not be as terrible as it appears. The pressure applied at birth may have blocked a vessel that supplies blood to that part of anatomy. According to my doctor friend, a simple surgical operation may correct the problem but until he is investigated by competent medical hands, it would be difficult to know what the problem is precisely.
As for the boy's grandmother, there is little or nothing you can do about your suspicion. If true she did it to hurt the boy, what she has done is to hurt herself in the process because the boy is her grandchild. Who knows, this boy may be the child her son would have. Nemesis is real and has a way of catching up with us when least expected. Be rest assured that, if she did this deliberately, she would not escape the wrath and anger of God because that child is an innocent party just as you were when her son raped and got you pregnant.
Once you ascertain the extent of his condition, take him to see a doctor because the more you delay, it could further complicate his medical problem.
Even if he is normal, men are very sensitive when it comes to the issue of the size of their manhood. He too would soon begin to exhibit such concern and discouragement. Before any of his friends or colleagues cause him psychological pains as well as damage, educate him on how size doesn't matter when it comes to satisfying women. Although the topic may sound embarrassing for you being a woman it is something you must have to do for him to give him the confidence to face life as a man.
Many men who are in the same boat never recover their confidence to live life in full, let alone approach a woman for a relationship. Don't forget that he has the attendant problem of an absentee father to deal with. This problem of his sexuality would only make him focus more on the unfair side of the situation but if you are there for him, giving every reason to belief in himself, grow above his situation and as well as earn the hope for a better tomorrow, it would eliminate to a very large extent some of the issues that would have crippled him or destroyed him psychologically. At 14, he needs your maturity, wisdom, experiences to give meaning to his life. Given the issues you have raised, he needs constant counselling to be able to face life normally and not give you problems later in life.
Hearing from you that he can live a normal life despite the physical size of his manhood would make whatever challenge he has to face easy. To help you produce the best result, be very business like when handling the issue, it would help you especially not to be broken down by maternal sentiments.
Above all, look up to God for help. He is still very much in the business of making impossible situation very possible. He would make way for you and your son to find happiness.
Good luck.
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