Help! I'm Hooked On Viagra

Dear Agatha,

Please, I need urgent help over a matter, which may become a serious threat to my marriage if not handled urgently.

I got married some months ago and have been using Viagra pills to enhance my sexual life. But the danger now is if I desist from taking it for sometime, I am unable to achieve full erection. My queries are; is it good for me to keep using it? Are there side effects to it in the long run?

Concerned Brother.

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Dear Concerned Brother,

Isn't the evidence of your inability to achieve full erection anytime you stay away from the pill enough proof that it has long-term implications?

Over indulgence or dependence on anything in life always comes with side effects after a long while. Nature is the only thing that gives absolute happiness and results.

The essence of Viagra is to help those with problems overcome it and not for everyday usage. All drugs are subject to abuse when overused or used in the wrong ways.

In the first place, who recommended it for you? Viagra is not an off the shelf drug like simple painkillers. It can only be used on prescription by the doctor who after thorough examination of you anatomy and history feels it is necessary to help you recover.

If it was prescribed by a doctor, for how long were you expected to use it and what was it supposed to correct?

Did you go for an evaluation after the period for which you were supposed to use it?

And if on the other hand you obtained it for yourself without the knowledge of a doctor, for how long have you depended on it? What made you to embrace it?

Viagra, though conceived as an aphrodisiac, was never intended by the manufacturers to be used everyday. As a matter of fact, it was intended for men in their prime who through aging are losing some of their vibrancy not for young men who are still agile. It was meant to keep the light going in the twilight years of couples and not for those in their dawning days.

Since you have started noticing the major symptom of its side-effect, please go to a specialist immediately and for your sake, not the chemist but a trained medical personal equipped to help you recover from your dependence on the drug as well as point you at appropriate measures to take to help you recover you libido fully.

If you don't act immediately as well as seek quality help, your marriage would be affected because sex cannot be compromised in marriage especially a nascent one as yours.

Having made the first mistake, don't allow pride stop you from correcting it. There are several natural ways of helping yourself get started. All you have to do is to use more of your imagination. Besides, you should discuss your problem with your wife who may have several ideas of how to excite you without you needing any drug to. Remember she is your wife and also involved in this matter so tell her your challenge because two are better than one.

Sometimes, the aphrodisiac we think we need or quest for can easily be supplied by our partners if only we are willing to let them invest in our solutions.

Whatever problems made you seek the solace of this sex-enhancing pill could have been resolved through the help of your partner if only you had told her.

There is nothing as stimulating as the touch of one's partner and help when it comes to lovemaking. When two people are in love and are not pretentious or suspicious there is no height they cannot achieve together in the bedroom.

As a matter of fact, sex performance enhancing drugs actually kill natural initiatives because rather than give the couple the chance of getting to discover their natural spots; marvel in the excitement of working each other up to a plateau; these drugs eliminate all these natural process of discovery and bonding because they get men in particular ready for action seconds after their consumption. All these drugs do is to give unusual strength to the man to ride without providing him with the knowledge of how to take along his partner or give himself the time to develop his act.

The failure of this drug to keep you in premium performance may actually be a blessing in disguise; blessing for you and your woman to go back in time to the beginning and to find your particular rhythm in the bedroom.

That one is able to have sex is not the same thing as being able to make love. There is a world of difference between the two. Sex enhancing drugs give its user only the ability to have sex; it doesn't develop or teach its user the act of lovemaking, which is why the natural way is still the best because it involves the mind, the spirit in addition to the physical thing.

Besides, these drugs don't come with a warning manufactures should be compelled to carry; which is users would always need to increase their dosages after a while to ensure optimum effectiveness. Unless consumption of drugs is properly managed, it could lead to addiction because after a while, recommended dosage appears to work less, which after a while prompts the user to double the recommended dosage for better results.

Sincerely, you may not need other enhancer if you bury your pride as a man to tell your wife about this challenge you are going through. At any rate, she would discover the truth by the time your performance diminishes hence your need to carry her along because it would be more difficult for you to convince her to understand with you if she discovers your problem by herself.

There is no issue in marriage that cannot be resolved amicably if couples are honest. Problems occur when one of the parties refuses to tell the other person the truth regarding issues.

If you have problems with your erection, the wise thing is to tell the woman in your life and home. Don't forget that you are not the one that suffers the consequences but this woman who would have to live with not being able to get her fill of her man.

She it is who would have to live with the dissatisfaction of not having a fulfilled sexual life in addition to attendant frustration.

For the sake of your marriage as well as peace in your home, tell her everything about yourself. For instance, she should be told how it all started and what pushed you into taking the drugs.

Not only would she appreciate the honesty, though she might be annoyed at the beginning, but at least it would prepare her for the challenge of helping you recover fully as well giving the right support to source for other cures doctors may think you need to treat your addiction.

Also, the knowledge would help her know how to direct her petition to God.

Good luck.

Lonely Heart

Dear Agatha,

I would appreciate having an educated lady for a relationship. I want a lady from the south south states of the country but would prefer one from Akwa-Ibom State. She must be resident in Lagos and should not be older than 34 years of age.

I can be reached on this number, 0708906034.

Godswill.

I’m Torn Between My Ex And Husband

Dear Agatha,                                                                  

My husband and I are experiencing a problem that has just refused to go away. 

We have been married for over 10 years and I can state categorically that we are seriously in love with each other.  Sometime this year, I received a call from an ex-lover who broke up with me about 21 years ago. Until the breakup, I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with my ex but the relationship ended in the most traumatic way, under circumstances that left me almost paralysed. My ex, who had earlier proposed to me, informed me that he could no longer go ahead with the relationship when my health was in jeopardy.   

A few months ago I received a call from my ex to meet with me and I obliged by paying him a visit. During the visit I gave my ex my opinion of the treatment I received from him 21 years ago when he jilted me in my time of need. This conversation lasted for about two hours.  Throughout the meeting, he apologised profusely for everything that happened during and after the breakup. At the end of the meeting, he gave me a sizeable amount of money and requested that we remain just friends.  Since the meeting, he and I have been exchanging text and voice messages. 

Unknown to me, my husband found out about this visit and everything that transpired during and after the meeting. My husband doesn’t seem to trust me anymore since he believes that I have an adulterous affair with my ex. I am not in love with my ex and cannot imagine myself having an affair with him again. My relationship with him is only platonic and nothing more. I love my husband and I desperately need your advice on how to salvage my marriage.

Oyin.

 

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Dear Oyin,

In his shoes what would you think, how would you feel if he secretly meets with an ex without your knowledge and goes ahead to keep conversation flowing between the two of them? Be sincere, how what would be your natural conclusion? Would you have told your husband about your ex if he didn’t find out on his own? How far would you have gone in your friendship with this man if your husband hadn’t found you out? These are issues you must provide answers to before this matter can be resolved. There is no way you would expect your husband to continue to trust you when you failed to tell him about your ex and kept his presence in your life a secret. The fact that you were exchanging text and voice messages would make any man wonder at the type of relationship that exist between the two of you. More so, this is a man you were about getting married to and would have married had he not left you.

Yes, you may not have slept with your ex to warrant being tagged unfaithful but you have acted precisely in the manner which could be interpreted as unfaithful. To be candid, you have not acted innocently and have certainly breached trust in your marriage.

When your ex got in touch with you, the ideal thing would have been for you to tell your husband about it. You have been married to this man for 10 years and not once has he given you a reason to doubt his love for you. If you were so precious to the other man why did he abandon you at the point of your need, when you needed him the most?

If he meant well for you, why didn’t he offer to meet your family, your husband especially to say thank you to the man who rescued you when he left you without hope?

Deep down do you think he would have come back to apologise if you had ended up in a mental home or become the sort of woman nobody wants to be identified with?

Why did he give you the money? To assuage his conscience or to lure you back into bed with him? What was the motive and why did you not tell your husband about it afterwards?

Honestly, if you had any pride, you shouldn’t have accepted that money because accepting it means he still has some control over you, a say in your life and the right to disrupt the quality of happiness in your home.

No matter the excuse or the extent of what you both shared in the past, you should have on account of your marriage resisted his charm and closed all avenues of him coming back into your life. Remember, you are now a married woman, accountable to another man and no longer free to pursue relationship with your past without the knowledge of your present. If you were still unmarried, the story would have been different and nobody would have questioned your right and decision to keep the communication line opened but as a married woman or man for that matter, you cannot indulge in such thing without jeopardising the well-being of your home.

This issue would only go away if you can explain to your husband why you went to your ex without telling him and why you decided to keep the communication line going.

Before you do this, you must first examine your own motive. Deep down, what do you still feel for this man? Be honest because therein lies the antidote to the problem you are having in your marriage. Was it simply a matter of curiosity that made you go to him or something deeper? Given the way he treated you, intense anger and the need to give him a piece of your mind at the mindless way he dumped you at your hour of need may have been the motive but thereafter, why did you decide on holding on to him?
Do you still feel something for him? I know it is never easy to give up on someone you once loved to the point of wanting to marry him, but is it just your will to maintain the friendship of the past or something deeper than you want to admit to? Have you really gotten over him?

It is only when you face these questions with all the honesty they deserve you can go before your husband to explain yourself and reasons as well as plead for forgiveness.

In the interest of your home, admit your mistakes by agreeing to how the event presents you in his eyes. Beg him in the language you know he understands best and for now, don’t pressurise him into forgiving you immediately. It would take a while for him to be able to put this incident behind him and much would depend on how strong your relationship is and how you progress from this point. If you are humble, calm, remorseful and very prayerful, he would eventually forgive you. Being anxious and desperate to settle it immediately could lead you into making more mistakes so allow time, to heal him because what you did is a grievous offence against all marital laws. He needs time to mend and heal before he can completely forgive you.

You see, some love never die but you just must let go if your present and future are to serve you well. This man is forbidden to you and you to him. You now belong to someone else, someone who loves you, who desires you for who you are and not what you are.

Besides, this man knows you are married and if he has any respect for you, he would not do anything to jeopardise the sanctity of your marriage. You are destroying the beauty and strength of your marriage by allowing a third party into it. Still this wind of destruction before it consumes you and your home.

Call the other man in his presence and tell him to stop calling you that his presence in your life is affecting your marriage. If he loves you he would understand your need to be rid of him. To ensure he doesn’t bother you again, change your sim for the time being.

Give your husband all the respect he deserves as your man by being very honest with him in everything you do.

Good luck

How Do I Grow Hills On My Flat Chest?

Dear Agatha,

I am 15 years of age and fully grown. But my worry is that I still have a very flat chest. Not even the tiny kind of breast which would have made me at least appear like a woman and happy, not having anything at all.

My mates daily make fun of my lack, making me so ashamed of myself. I am absolutely worried. Please tell me how to develop my breasts because I can't continue like this.

Worried Girl.

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Dear Worried Girl,

Some of us are late developers while others begin to manifest all their feminine features very early. While some have it even as early as 10 years of age, others don't get close to them throughout their lifetime.

The answer to your problem is in your genes. We all come wired with different genes because of our different genealogies. If your gene is made up of women who are not generously endowed with breasts; don't expect to have big breasts because no woman in your family has it.

The trick is to always strive to be happy with the choice God made for one. Don't forget He has fore-knowledge of you as well as your ability and capacity. Hence He designed us to suit the things we can endure as well cope with.

Desirous as big breasts are, they are not without disadvantages. The truth about life is that no grass is ever greener at the other side, rather it is simply a case of greedy minds always craving for things other people have.

The size of a woman's breasts doesn't affect her ability to breast-feed or produce enough milk for her child. As a matter of fact, women with smaller breasts have been known to produce more milk than those with excessively big ones.

Therefore don't allow the meanness or insensitivity of your friends make you lose confidence in yourself as a woman. If you look at those laughing at you closely, they also have a deficiency, though may not be as obvious as the one you think you have but nevertheless makes them also less perfect.

We all come with one sort of shortcoming or the other. Believe me, not even the so called beauty queens come without a defect. The trick about life is not to allow anybody put you down on account of the perceived advantage that person deludes him or herself of having over you.

The danger of allowing others affect you with their negativism about life as well as the way you view the important things in life is the loss of independence. If you keep allowing them get at you, there is no way you would ever be able to appreciate the inherent beauty and attributes God has given you. Sometimes when people make fun of us, it is only because they don't want us to get better than them. These people you call friends don't have your interest in mind because if they were good friends, they would be the one protecting you from such mockery and taunts. Friends offer unconditional protection; don't laugh at the advantage they have over each other.

If they were your friends, they would point you at the extremely good qualities you have been given by God which they don't have. Just like we come with defects; so also we come with special qualities, hard to find in any other person. You will only find out what makes so unique when you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Frankly, if you don't stop allowing what your friends are saying affect you, you may never recover the confidence to face and live life fully.

At 15, your life is too tenderly young, full and vibrant to allow this affect it. You must, deep into your innermost self, discover the strength of your character to be able to confront this.

Remember nobody has the ability to love you the way you want to be loved. You are the only one who knows how you want to be treated and how delicate you are. So don't begin this early in life to allow anybody determine how you feel about yourself or how you values things concerning you.

The next time this group of persons gather to make fun of you, tell them that not having prominent breasts like them doesn't make you less of a woman and that you are quite satisfied with what God has given you.

Granted, you may not be happy with what you have but telling them that you are and acting it would get them to stop noticing it and making fun of you. They persist in their act because they know it hurts you and makes you less confidence of yourself. It is a ploy rivals use to get their opponents off their tracks.

There are a lot of men out there who aren't breast freaks, who prefer the person inside the body than what the woman looks like physically.

To have an edge over your friends, use this opportunity of their attitude to develop your inner person with the sole aim of making yourself so exquisite inside of you so much so you would not only affect people who come across you positively but able to see through the deficiency of those around you to the potentials inside them.

Use this experience to reach out to other young persons around you to realise whom they are and not what others think or want them to be.

You may not know it yet, but God is about to do something explosive with you; that which would make these your friends livid with jealousy.

You can only get there if you refuse to be affected by the way you look or what your friends say.

Besides, at 15, you are still growing your features. Your breasts may have been programmed to grow last. But whether or not they grow as big as you desire or remain as they are, develop the confidence to face life the way you are because God doesn't make mistakes in His choices for us.

Ask people with excessively big breasts and they would tell you the burden as well as stress they daily go through finding the right bras as well as clothes that fit.

Unlike you, many of your friends cannot go braless or wear some of those attractive clothes that can only sit well on women with very small breasts.

There is always a flip side to every issue under the sun. Unless you have the maturity to handle life, happiness will always be far from you. So go out and celebrate the gift of God in your life by refusing to be put down by anybody.

As for your friends, move away from them and look for a new set, who see beyond your physical look to the hidden talent buried inside of you. These are the type of friends we all need to be whom God wants us to be. So pray these friends out of your way and ask for better replacement. As a teenager, you need people to help you focus on the necessities of life, not frivolities. You need friends who would ensure you don't make costly mistakes, ones young persons like you are constantly in danger of making. You need motivational friends not demoralising ones that are illiterates in the principle of friendship.

Good luck.

Save Me From Surplus Lust For Girls

Dear Agatha,

I am a young Nigeria through with University education and National Youth Service Corps (NYSC).

When I entered the university, I made up my mind not to pursue women. But my problem started in third year when I began to manifest likeness for any girl I see.

Now I am through with school but the ghost of my past has continued to hunt me. What should I do? I want to be responsible not only to myself but to the society at large. Please help me.

ND.

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Dear ND,

The first step towards the realisation of your desire is what you have done, appreciating that certain things are wrong with the way you do things.

Responsibility comes from her desire to do that which is right. Having come to the conclusions that moving from one woman to the other isn't doing your image any good, what you need next is to have the concomitant determination not to be tempted by these girls.

As a man, there is nothing wrong in you appreciating a girl, liking her and falling in love, but your intentions must be pure not the kind that makes you inconsiderate and selfish.

You can only be counted as being responsible if you are accountable for every action you take. The moment you learn to owe up to your actions, accept mistakes as well as show enough sense of dignity to apologise when you are wrong; you are deemed to be responsible.

Honesty makes the world a better place. When one is honest about a relationship from the beginning, nobody would get hurt.

At every point in time always let people especially the ones you have an intimacy with know where you stand on a particular issue. In life there is no such thing as not having an opinion. Not having an opinion in critical matters is an act of cowardice. You must never be afraid to air your opinion on any subject that deserves an opinion.

Begin by being honest with little things so that bigger and greater things can be entrusted to you.

Good luck.

My New Husband Hates My First Child

Dear Agatha,

An incident happened to me eight years ago and without thinking twice I took away the only child of my marriage then. I happened to see my husband and my baby’s nanny making love on our living room floor.

Because of what I had been through with him, the humiliation of having to put up with the condemning attitude of his parents when the baby didn’t arrive until five years after our marriage and how he initially refused to come for treatment until my parents made him go with me to see the doctor. I also recalled my feeling, a combination of rage and happiness when the results came out that he was the one responsible for our childlessness.

It took another year of intensive fertility treatment before he was able to father our son.

Seeing him with the house-help was too much for me to tolerate. Without considering my decision, I took the baby and since I enjoyed dual citizenship, travelled out of the country almost immediately.

I deliberately didn’t go to my parents or anybody who knew me for over a year of coming back to England. I didn’t want anybody preaching peace to me at all. By the time I eventually got in touch with my family members, they were too glad to hear from me to even bring up the subject of my husband.

Although I eventually told them my version and the reason I didn’t want anybody talking to me for the months I stayed away. My husband ultimately got to know I was back and made another attempt at approaching me for settlement.

But my hurt was still very deep and refused to have anything to do with him or his parents when they came.

Like I said, that was eight years ago.  Now I am remarried. We have two children, a set of twins who are three months old. When I got married last year, my parents offered to take him in because my current husband didn’t and still doesn’t like the idea of having another man’s child under his roof. Since the distance between my current house and that of my parents’ is only about five minutes walk distance, my son comes to visit me everyday on his way from school and at weekends.

Recently, I noticed he wasn’t coming into the house when my husband is in. Initially, I didn’t read any meaning into it until my mother called my attention to it. She told me that my son doesn’t like coming to the house to see me because my husband hit him when I was away with the twins to see the doctor.

Naturally, my husband denied it for obvious reasons, but his reactions confirmed it.

However, we are about to return to Nigeria and my husband is insisting my son cannot come with us. There is no way I can leave him behind because of some negative societal influences I am not comfortable with here.

Besides, I love him too much not to be without him. What more, I am no longer happy in my marriage as my husband is so temperamental, unreasonable and very disrespectful. He has hit me more than twice since we got married less than one and a half year ago.

I no longer love him but I don’t want him to think I am using the excuse of my son to end the marriage. Even though that is part of my reasons for wanting to leave him, I am scared for my son because with what I know of my husband, who once threatened me with our kitchen knife if I insist on visiting my son everyday. He can kill my son if he suspects he is one of my reasons for wanting to leave him.

How best do you think I should handle the situation? Do I follow him to Nigeria before going back to England? I am the one who picks the bills and footing our trip back to Nigeria so I know there is no way he can come back to England.

Please help me because being so much confused now, I can’t, logically.

Aiye.

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Dear Aiye,

What are the issues in your marriage beyond that concerning your son? At what point did he begin to change towards you? For how long did you date and what were the perimeters you put into consideration before agreeing to spend the rest of your life with him?

What were his reactions to your son during your courtship days? There is no way something as entrenching as this type of hatred you paint can be concealed from you. It couldn’t have started after your marriage or shielded such a fundamental feeling from you.

It is either you didn’t take serious innuendoes or that you were so interested in marrying him, you failed to notice what was going on under your nose.

If you are truthful, from his objection to your son’s living with you after your marriage to him, you would have known this would happen. No man in love with a woman who has had a child previously insists on the child living away from them. From the moment he said that, you should have made it clear that it was either he married you with your son or allows you to continue as you were. What would you have done if your parents weren’t there with you in England? Send the child back to Nigeria or to a foster home simply on account of the man in your life, not wanting to have anything to do with him?

This is the point you made a mistake. Since you agreed to relocate your son to your parents’ home, you compromised and gave him a weapon to keep using against you and your son. From the moment you agreed to send your child away at his request, you gave him power to maltreat your son and you at will.

Had you stood your grounds, he would have been more careful in the way he treated your son.

Since the marriage has degenerated to the point of violence and armed threats, no meaningful conversation can take place between the two of you now. Whatever surgical operation that should have saved this marriage from collapse should have taken place when he told you to send your son away from the house or the first time he hit you.

At the point it degenerated to him threatening you with weapon, you should have invited your parents to intervene in the matter. Your matrimonial issues are most of the time best resolved by the couple but not when it involves the use of dangerous weapons. Had he used that knife that day on you, the harm would have been done before help came your way and if in the process of assaulting your son, something happened, what tale would you be telling?

Since you suspect he can harm your son, don’t push your luck. This is a very delicate and messy situation, one that needs absolute wisdom to plot a route. If you insist on coming to Nigeria with your son, you risk aggravating his already bad temper which you may not be able to curtail. It is therefore imperative you give your son all the protection he needs to be happy.

It is at this point you must evaluate your options. What happens to the twins when you come back for your son? Do you have the resources to travel fro and to England with them? Even if you do, isn’t there other pressing needs you would rather invest the money on? Don’t forget that if you follow him to Nigeria, you have to continue to fend for the family until something else comes by and do you think he would allow you out of his sight to see a son he obviously hates with a passion?

Since your family seem to be in England, who would offer you protection against him?

Don’t you think your chances of getting better protection for your child and yourself are best in England than in a country you have left in more than half a decade? Think before taking the final decision to come back home because it may not be as easy for you to go back to your son.

If there is no way he can come back to England what about the harm he can do to you in a society where you don’t have anybody to shield you from him?

You need peace and love all around you at this crucial time. You need to think clearly on what works for you. It is not a good recommendation for you to go through multiple failed marriages. So in your own interest as well as those of your children, be sure you are doing the right thing this time around and don’t procrastinate your decision because it could lead to life-threatening situations. Sometimes, we have to cruel to be good. Marriage should be endured provided it doesn’t involve life-threatening situations. Once threats to life are being made and dangerous weapons also brandished, in the interest of peace as well as the possibility of future reconciliation, couples should give each other break till sanity returns. This is because in the process of wielding the weapon things may get out of hands leading to the death or severe injury of either of the parties.

If you have made up your mind to leave him on account of irreconcilable differences, staying on would only lead to hatred. Dead people don’t get married neither would you make the right decision if you continued to be confused.

This is the time you need God more than ever before; time to pray and allow Him point you at the right direction; to allow Him make the choices for you.

Good luck. 

My Family Gangs Against My Dream

Dear Agatha,

I urgently need your help over this emotional dispute I am experiencing. Three years ago, I met this girl whom I fell in love with from the very first moments because I knew she was the right woman for me.

After a while, I made known my intentions to her and my family members who went with me to see her family members to perform some traditional marital rites.

However, a year after this ceremony, my family suddenly told me they were no longer in support of us getting married. When I demanded to know why the change in their position, no reason was given to me other than to insist she wasn't the right woman for me.

When I insisted that it was either this woman or no other woman, they disowned me. I am so confused because I don't know what to do again.

Disturbed Man.

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Dear Disturbed Man,

For your family to take such a drastic decision, they must have observed certain disturbing trends in her. There is no smoke without fire. But because you are at the center of it all, you may not know until it might be too late.

Even though they are wrong not to have told you pointedly why they are insisting on their current position; I am sure before you all got to this point, they must have mentioned one or two things they don't like about her.

There is no way they would have taken this monumental decision without giving you an inkling of their new position about her different from the time you went for the traditional marriage.

Can you think objectively about anything they have kept complaining about which you consider irrelevant? What conditions gave them the advantage to study her with such intimacy to make them come to this conclusion? Do you both live with your parents or other family members? If you both stay within the family compound or in the same place where other members of your family live, there is no way this wouldn't happen. This is because she is still a stranger with ways and manners quite different from what your family is used to.

When a stranger, especially a woman comes to live with her in-laws; there is always the tendency of both of them ending up with bitter feelings because of the different ways they view things. For instance your family would want her to instantly begin to behave like them while she may not see any reason to change the way she does things to please them.

What you would tolerate as her man, the patience and understanding to help her acclimatise, your family members would never have. So a conflict of emotions and interest is bound to come to play.

As a wise man, your place is not to aggravate the situation because both your wife and members of your family are important components of your existence hence you need to be diplomatic when dealing with either of them.

Even though you can pretend that your family isn't important; it is only for a while because whatever you are, they factored into you those qualities that attracted your wife to you. Yes one gets to an age when all laws recognise and bow to individual rights as well as decisions but for one to be happy, it has put into consideration the views of others. It is important even when you know you aren't prepared to take in their suggestions you still show respect for them. This is because a time would always come into your relationship with your partner when only the love and support of your family members would help you carry on.

No matter how smooth sailing a relationship appears to be from the beginning there are always invisible bumpy rides to be encountered; challenges that would involve one or two other persons interventions.

It is because of a time like this you need to exercise caution with the way you react to your family's position. Even when apparent that they are out to hurt you by going a different way from yours, still exercise the patience to understand their reasons for it. After all, it isn't as if your family has someone lined up for you or against your marriage except to say they are withdrawing the support they freely gave you initially to marry this lady.

If for nothing else, go back in time to when they gladly went with you to her family; escorted you to perform some traditional rites. Something fundamental must have taken place between then and now. What about your girlfriend what does she knows about the situation? Being at the center of this whole drama, she must have been told one thing or the other by certain members of your family for her to know that things aren't the same any more between her and them. Ask her if she did anything wrong or behaved in a way that must have brought about this gang-up. At least someone should be able to say something in her defense can you identify who the weak chain is in your family that would honestly tell you what happened if she still insists on her innocence?

Or is the matter a simple case of her not being able to get pregnant? When in-laws withdraw their support totally, it is either the woman is completely bad or unable to give them a long expected grandchild. Find out which is yours? If it is a simple case of not being able to get pregnant, let your family know that much as you appreciate their concern; that you and your woman should be left to decide when the babies would come.

In sourcing for a solution that would be permanent; you may have to take some far reaching decisions that you may have currently left hanging. One is the accommodation arrangement. Where do you both live? Is it in your family house? If yes, you are not only being unfair to this young lady and also to your relationship. There is no way you both can ever hope to get the type of happiness and motivation to succeed while domicile in the cocoon of your family's embrace. Without meaning to, they would always have reasons to interfere and in the process make complicated things between you and your woman. Even though the motive may be good but the result is never what they intend because most things in life don't end up the way we plan them from the onset.

She too may not have set out to be rude or act in whatever negative ways she is being accused of by your family but your family could end up with the wrong end of the stick and bluntly refuse to listen to the voice of reason.

Unless you who brought the two parties together have the determination to remain neutral and take some seemingly difficult decisions now, everybody would end up fighting each other. Take her away as soon as possible from the proxy of your family members. You and your woman should begin a new life in another place until the situation thaws. Often time when people keep their distances, time comes to their aid to make perfect those things that were never wonderful. Repairs come in our relationship when space is given for people to maul over their hurt, disappointment and also have regrets at what would have been. It is only after all these emotions are expressed before genuine healings can begin. So for now, don't attempt to push anything because they will never listen to the voice of reason.

If when you went for the traditional rites, you paid her dowry, it means under native laws and customs you are both married hence the issue of you leaving her is absolutely out of the question.

While insisting you cannot leave her, find a way of getting someone in your family to support you. There is no way her rejection among your family members can be total. Someone would certainly not totally go with them so find that person out to help you water down the resistance. The motive is not to get them to support your decision to go ahead with the marriage but to prevent permanent strain between you and your family. A door of communication must be left opened for the future.

This is because a time would certainly come when you would either need them or they would need you for one important favour or the other. If the door is closed firmly now against such development neither of you may find the right key to open the door again. The result of such is permanent hatred within the family. Besides, as one too wishing to have children as well as leave behind a good legacy, you must be careful about the seed you sow today in the lives of others.
This is because nobody ever prays for disaffection to happen between his or her children. Therefore you must apply a lot of caution in the handling of this type of crisis.

You can only be justified if they all remain adamant and very uncompromising, but even at that, refrain from saying or doing anything that would further complicate the situation. Beyond telling them that you should be left alone to sail or sink with the only woman who makes you very happy, don't be rude or say anything in anger because anything said in anger may never be reversible again.

As for your woman, insist she stays clear of whatever the issues are and that even if your family members insist on being rude to her or refuse to respond to her greetings or courtesies, she should not stop greeting them.

Even though she is the reason for their attitude, she should not allow herself to be the continued cause of enmity between you and them.

Importantly, in the interest of your union, don't ignore whatever you find out may be the reason for their behaviour. For the sake of your peace of mind as well as the health of your home, work on the problems long before you begin to notice them yourself. And one way of ensuring you are able to cope is by learning to accept them as integral part of the woman you have expressed the wish to spend the rest of your life with.

And once you commit everything to the hands of God, no matter what the problems are, they will disappear.

Good luck